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Should I stay with my fiance?

I have been dating this guy for a little over 6 months. He proposed to me and I said yes. He has always been the sweetest guy. He has never said or done anything to hurt me. He says he wants a family and all these things but he still spends alot of time drinking with his friends and smoking weed. I do not do any of these things. I just cant stand it. He is 27 years old and his friends are all 23 and under. They do not have families or responsibilities. I just cant see someone that wants to party and hang out with friends all the time actually being capable of handling family life. He seems to get really frustrated with us sometimes. I just do not know what to do because he is one of the nicest guys I have ever met and he loves spending time with us. Should I go ahead and marry him and give him and his friends time to grow up or should I call it quits and walk away?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Jun. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I personally wouldn't marry him until he grew up a lot. I wouldn't want that type of behavior around my children. Maybe try a long engagement, I think that in that kind of situation, with a long engagement the problem will most likely work itself out eventually.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 11:00 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • I agree with PP. I wouldnt marry him until he seriously changed. You don't necisarily have to leave him if he agrees to make an effort and succeeds, but if he doesnt want to make the effort then Id walk out
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • keep looking, or watch or read Fireproof together and see if he gets better!
    2mothershelpers

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 11:03 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • Being a DH and father means not going to the bar and partying with kids. Spending time should be what he would rather do. Ask him to reevaluate his priorities and decide weather or not he is really ready to be a part of a family.  Just because he can be sweet does not mean he can be responsible.

    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 11:04 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • *spending time with you
    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 11:04 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • I agree with the above posters. DO NOT marry him until he grows up and changes his ways. I say have a long engagement and let him know you will not marry him until he cuts out that behavior and grows up.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:05 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • As a wife of 37 years I'm going to tell you that if you loved him enough to say yes, then you've already answered your question. But then if you have doubts as to what you should be doing then maybe you answered to quickly to start with. Never go into a marriage with the idea that you can change the other person. You can't! I suggest you sit him down and tell him what you've written down and you'll know right off what you should do. But please don't go ahead if you have doubts. It's become to popular to go into a marriage with the idea that you can just divorce if it doesn't work out. Sometime love just isn't enough no matter how much you love him. Good luck! I'd love to hear what you decide to do in the end.

    Cin53

    Answer by Cin53 at 11:06 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • Why would you marry someone who clearly is not capable of being a good husband and father? You are asking for a life of misery. He does not want to be married, he wants to party. He may love you, but he is still not ready for marriage and you are doing your child(ren) and yourself a GREAT disservice by marrying him. They need you to marry someone who is going to work with you to create a stable home life for them and this guy cannot do it. Break it off and move on. You cannot, nor should you try to change him. It's not even fair to him to marry him with the intention of making his life miserable by being un-accepting of the man you knew him to be when you married him. Do everyone involved a favor and break it off.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:30 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • I'd say 6 months is not enough time to see if this guy is someone you could be married to. Especially since you are beginning to see patterns that don't bode well. If this is how he is now, it will continue and possibly get worse after marriage. And then if you have kids - life will become even more complicated. Don't marry him at least not for a year. Get to know him and see if he can change BEFORE the wedding. If not - get out.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 11:38 PM on Jun. 21, 2009

  • I was in a simliar situation with my husband before we got married. I finally had to just break up with him. We broke up for about 6 months. And he finally came back a changed man. We got married that same year and things have been wonderful since then. Sometimes you just have to give them a good kick in the butt to make them realize what they have and what they really want. If he doesn't come back then he's not worth your time.
    jedwards2009

    Answer by jedwards2009 at 12:58 AM on Jun. 22, 2009

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