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My husband is mean to me how do i make it stop!

Ive been married to a man that i love so much for 5 yrs now!!! our realtionship has been very hard he cheated on me 5 times befor we got serious and hasnt since becasue i dont let him outta my sights!! (not being able to trust is killing me) and then he started to physically abuse me black eyes and busted lips and his parents knew and did nothing to stop it! i left him for 3 months and it has been 3 yrs since he has hit me he dont even raise a hand to me anymore! but now he is very verbally abusive!! Ive gained 87 lbs in 3 yrs ive also had 3 kids in that 3 yrs!! when he gets mad over the littlest things he starts in with that fat talk and puts me down at all times! hes a neat freak and so i am to a point but i have 4 kids under 5 and it gets hard when hes gone on 12 hr shifts!! i just dont feel like he loves me and is only with me cause i would get alot of child support and alimony!! he tells me that to when hes mad!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:28 AM on Jun. 22, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Sweetheart, forgive me, but what exactly do you love about him?! This relationship was over the day he cheated on you the first time, never mind the next 4x, plus the physical AND verbal/emotional abuse. Good grief, no one deserves that. Please! Take the advice of these ladies. Get out! Today! Call the nearest domestic violence hotline NOW and get out. YES! Be a single mother of 4 at 23. It's better than being a battered, beat up mother. This is the WORSE thing for you and your kids.. Omg.. please, get out and save yourself and your children. I swear, if I lived near you, I'd drive there now and get you.
    CoolGirlChris

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 12:22 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • continued...........
    How do iget it to stop! i just wanna know if you think that it is over between us and i should just trow in the towel or if i should stay and try to make it work!!! I think alot of my weight gain is because of the way he is to me i think ive lost my self esteem that everyone use to love about me i am not happy with myself and i never get any comments anymore!!! i just dont know what to do!!!
    do you think i should just face the truth and be a single mother of 4 kids at the age 23!!!!! im so confused its hard when kids are involved and the fact that i truely do love this man!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 AM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • I'd say try counceling, if that doesn't work then leave because my dad was physically abusive with my mom, when i was real lil, then as i got older it just became verbal, but as i got older he was not only verbally abusive to her, but he was verbally abusive to me as well. I'm not saying that your hubbys anything like my dad, but its not healthy for your kids to grow up watching daddy always putting mommy down and treating her like shit, because if you have lil girls, they'll grow up thinking thats how guys are supposed to treat women, so when they start dating, and end up in a similar relationship they won't leave because they'll think its normal for a man to hit or verbally abuse the woman. Not to mention there selfesteem will be zero. Once he's gone from your life, you'll get your selfesteem back and things will get better. Feel free to msg me if you have any questions
    vgiron

    Answer by vgiron at 3:47 AM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • Wow, get out. NOW! No woman deserves to be treated that way.
    Mrs.Wasson

    Answer by Mrs.Wasson at 4:30 AM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • Perhaps you should focus on yourself and not him. Why do you love a man that treats you badly? He cheats on you and you don't trust him. He has hit you before. He is verbally abusive. You are the mother of his children and he treats you in this manner!!! For goodness sakes start talking to an organisation or people who can help you sort yourself out. Start putting some money away ad training yourself so you can get work. Best of luck with your future.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 AM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • here are some numbers to help you 18002326459, focus on the family, marriage counseloring and hope line 1800 3744673 and another hopeline 1800 6564673 and sexual abuse counseloring toll free number, you can call and get some advice, etc 18006787820
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 AM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • If this was one of your children saying this, what would you tell them? I hope you would say, never stay with a man for childrens sake, its not worth it. I've always thought that women should have a way to take care of children on their own for reasons like this.No man is worth living in hell over, I promise you that.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 6:27 AM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • OMG!!! GET OUT!!!! First off... by staying in a relationship like this one you are teaching your children what 'happiness' is... you are showing your kids that this type of behavior is acceptable from a man! WHICH ITS NOT!!!!! How could you love someone that hits you, and treats you like shit? He doesnt love you honey... he doesnt deserve you! Yeah you are young, but that shouldnt stop you from being happy, from leaving this guy in your past... there is help out there for single mothers... I would get out while you are still alive... if you wont do it for yourself, at least do it for your children!!!! There are men out there that WILL treat you soooo much better... dont settle for anything less than the best, which is what you deserve!!! Get help and get out!!!!
    sxc_mom_of2

    Answer by sxc_mom_of2 at 7:24 AM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • You won't like my answer but you made some mistakes. Never stay with a man who has cheated on you or hit you - nothing you do will make them change. By staying and continuing the relationship it gives him the green light to continue to disrespect you.
    A relationship with no trust is destined to failure. You can't control whether he cheats or not. Your feeling the need not to let him out of your sight and your weight gain are both signs of low self esteem.
    The only way anything is going to change for you is if you change. Do you want your children to grow up thinking abuse is normal? It's extremely likely they will either become abusers or become involved with an abuser. Your marriage is unhealthy for all of you.
    Last, it is not his parents responsibility to stop him from abusing you. It's your responsiblity to walk away if you have to.
    PrttyMstng

    Answer by PrttyMstng at 7:29 AM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • He is abusive, get out now!  You should never have married him in the first place if you had trust issues.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 7:41 AM on Jun. 22, 2009