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Daughter's Boyfriend and Sleep Overs

My daughter is 16 and has been with her 16 yr old bf for two years now. They are sexually active and she is on bc and they use condoms. Although I'm not happy that they are having sex at this age, I also am a realist and remember how I was at that age. His parents are going on vacation for a week and my daughter wants him to stay with us in her room while the parents are gone. His parents are ok with this arrangement. I really don't have an issue with them sleeping together, since I already know that they are active, however my sister thinks it's a bad idea. I think I'd rather have them in a safe environment at home than having to sneak around. Also they are both great kids, good grades, both play sports and are wonderful teenagers. Any thoughts?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Jun. 22, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (21)
  • since you are already letting them have sex, you can't go back now. I think the whole situation is messed up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • Just be mindful of your acceptance when she come home pregnant.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • Ok, I get the whole "they're gonna do what they're gonna do" part. I think most parents realize that by that age, we can only do so much and that they will sneak around to do what they want. BUT, even accepting the fact that my kids will do what they want and all I can do is try to teach them right from wrong and punish them for lying or sneaking around, I could NEVER allow my son to sleep with a girl/woman he is not married to in my home. I know it seems hypocritical of me, since I lived with my ex before we got married and I will probably live with a new guy before I marry him, but it's my house and my child, and I will require that he be married if he expects to share a room/bed with a female in my home. My parents demanded that of me, as did theirs of them. I always respected that, and if I do my job right, so will my sons. I think you are making a big mistake to allow this, but it's your home and your choice.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 1:51 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • Honestly, in this circumstance, I think I would let him stay. I mean, you already know they are having sex. I would rather my child feel they could come to me for help and guidance than to sneak around behind my back. Otherwise, I wouldn't be surprised if I found them together at his parent's house. Could you have him stay there, but require he sleep on the couch?

    Most teenagers are having sex. Whether they are telling you or not, is a different story. At least you are teaching them to be safe. I work with about 15 teenagers, from 15 to 19. Only one of them is still a virgin, and she still came very close at one point. And she is the 15 year old. She is 18.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:52 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • I meant she isn't the 15 year old

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:53 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • I think it is your daughter, and you know her best and should do whatever is most comfortable for you. It sounds like you and her have a good relationship, and you have been very practical about bc, etc. Follow your instincts and don't let people tell you what is or isn't a bad idea for YOUR daughter!

    Answer by Emuu at 3:17 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • I appreciate your being level headed and making sure she is protected. However another part of parenting is teaching respect and respect for your parents and elders. I do not think allowing her to have sex under her parents roof is teaching her to be respectful. Your house, your rules. Just because she is having sex doesn't mean you have to be thrilled about it, or lay rose pettals on the sheets for her to do it on.

    Answer by salexander at 3:24 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • I have a 16 yo dd in the same situation. I agree, you can't undo what has been done. and making sure they are safe and make smart choices. I would let the bf stay, I just don't think I would make it so easy. Maybe he sleeps in a guest room or on the couch. They don't have to rub my face in the fact that they are having sex.

    Answer by wallmom1 at 3:42 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • I think it really all boils down to your own comfort level. If you are comfortable with it then go ahead and let him stay. You know your daughter better than anyone esle so do what you feel is right. Good luck and congratualtions on having such an open relationship with your daughter.

    Answer by barbar73069 at 3:50 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • I would allow it but like wallmom1 he would not sleep in her room. My DD's boyfriend spends the night and he either sleeps in my son's room or she has her younger brothers and sisters in there. Both say they aren't having sex, but I will not make it easy and find it disrespectfull for them to do it in my house with younger siblings around.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 10:08 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

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