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How can I make her understand she's hurting me to?

My mom has been diabetic for some years now. I like to half-jokingly call her the worst diabetic in the world. She regularly eats ice cream, cake, brownies, drinks alcohol, doesn't exercise, has quit 2-3 of her meds without talking to her dr, should be on insulin but refuses, never checks her blood sugar. Getting the idea?

Well I live with her so I can't just alienate myself from her, but it kills me to watch her eat herself to death. But because she's far from obese and "feels okay" her favorite slogan is "I'm only hurting myself and I'm going to die one day anyways"

I've tried talking to her about it, she gets mad and tells me to mind my own buisness, I've tried making things with splenda for her, but she'll eat a little out of courtesy and then the rest goes to waste while she goes back to her ice cream.

She's my mom and I love her, and I want her to be around for my daughter's life, i just cant get through to her.

 
Pudge_Pie20

Asked by Pudge_Pie20 at 8:24 PM on Jun. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Level 11 (623 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Tell her exactly what you just said if you haven't already: I want you to be around. I want you to be around for my daughter's life. I don't want you dead. You're my mother and I love you, and I want you to get healthy so you can keep living with me and watch your granddaughter go to her first prom. I want you to see her graduate.

    She sounds like she might be depressed too if she's talking the way she is- any chronic illness can make a person depressed knowing they'll live that way for the rest of their lives, and that it can actually cut their lives short even if they do live it healthy.
    kittyhasclaws

    Answer by kittyhasclaws at 8:32 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • Bless your heart. I know exactly what you are talking about because that is exactly what happened to my mother. She lost toes on one foot, then a leg up to the knee, then toes on the other foot, then her vision, her kidneys began to fail, and she eventually had a stroke on the dialysis machine.

    I agree with the previous poster. Tell her how much you love her. Tell her how much you need and want her to be around. Tell her that it would devastate you to see her destroy herself in this manner. I can't tell you just how hard it was to see my mother loose her life bit by bit until it was just too late....at only the age of 51. I wish you and your mother the best of luck.
    lucindamartinez

    Answer by lucindamartinez at 8:59 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • ...And now my poor diabetic husband has me all over him at all times. ; ) I have already seen it and I just won't sit by quietly once again. I will do all that I can to help him manage this disease. Please keep an eye on her feet. Any sore that doesn't heel or looks bad, get attention immediately.
    lucindamartinez

    Answer by lucindamartinez at 9:01 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • sounds like my x. My youngest dd moved across the street from him and says how hard it is to watch her dad kill himself like that. He has terrible eating habits, no exercise, won't see his dr very often until it's an emergency. He knows what his mom went through and died but he can do things to prolong his life but refuses. Sad. My oldest dd got her weight off and isn't a diabetic anymore. It would be nice if your mom set a goal like that. As an older person I can say it's not easy to lose the weight but the dr gave my dd meds and it just melted off of her. She still eats poorly but the weight came off and the diabetes was either put into remission or she's no longer diabetic. I don't know which one is correct since I know little about medical things. Either way, she helped prolong her life. Hopefully your mom will at least try for you. I'm sure mom is scared and thinks she wants to die happy with ice cream. Sad.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:12 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • Sounds liek emotional eating. Diabetes is one of the worst diagnosis a person can ever receive. There is little sympathy for diabetics because they can just "deal with it" but it is a painful painful illness. Make yourself open to your mom to talk about how much it sucks to be a diabetic. Research the disease and help her to make healty choices there are a lot of dietary changes she can make that are still super yummy. Like dairy queen ice cream instead of "real" ice cream is okay once in a while hersheys kisses are great to have around for a little sweet. If she only eats one at a time she doesnt even need to take insulin. Berries and cool whip are also a great treat and one that can be had often! Parfaits with sugar free pudding are also fabulous. It is so hard to be a diabetic my husband is one and what your mom is doing is classic depression from the illness. Tell her you love her and you'll make the changes with her.
    katiekruschke

    Answer by katiekruschke at 9:30 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • I am having the same kind of issue with my little brother-He has MS, and is supposed to take daily shots. Any time anything remotely changes in his life or schedule, he forgets his medicine for several days. Every time he forgets, he has an attack and has to take steroids to attempt to reverse the effects. So far, all of the symptoms have reversed-he's been lucky. Right now, he's still having trouble walking from the last attack. It hurts me that he doesn't care enough about himself to want to delay the onset of disability. I have to try very hard to talk to him about it without lecturing or nagging, I leave that one for our parents. I just try to let him know that I care and that I will help any way I can, and explain to him that the risks he is taking are too great. I think this time finally got through to him, hopefully change is right around the corner, for him and your mother both.
    kikikiki

    Answer by kikikiki at 10:28 PM on Jun. 22, 2009