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My live in boyfriend of 2yrs said he doesn't feel like a man...so I asked him what would make him feel like a man.......would you be pissed?

His reply was that he wanted me to respect what he said and to not argue w him!!! I don't know about you but its not the 1950's anymore. He gets upset because I have a son w my ex husband and he thinks I need to do what he says and and not argue w him!!! A lot of the time because he doesnt like my ex...and my ex was a prick to him when we first got together. I am an independant woman...he knew that when he got w me!!! Idk...this just burned my ass! I am not gonna be some little doteing wife who does what ever her husband says and never argues w him...duh!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Jun. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Sounds like you have a very different belief system as it relates to roles in a relationship.

    Also not that you asked but it also sounds like you have some residual anger from your first husband that may need to be resolved soon.

    Best wishes to you.
    SFerber

    Answer by SFerber at 11:56 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • You go girl!!!!!!!!! My hubby has said something similar to that. They just have too much ego!
    annamcg18

    Answer by annamcg18 at 11:57 PM on Jun. 22, 2009

  • my ex said something like that to me.

    ...he's my ex now for a reason. lol


    He should respect what you say too. But maybe you should try talking about it instead of arguing about it.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:02 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • ummm, yeah I had a boyfriend that said something like that to me once....

    you notice I said HAD!! lol sorry, a relationship is 50/50 && all decisions should be made mutually. I'm with you, I don't believe in the gender specific "roles," you both should do whatever needs to be done.

    I don't hate on people who live like that, it's just not for me.
    HisMommySince07

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 12:06 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • OP here

    He thinks because he is the man i should listen to what he says and do it. That doesnt work w me. He also thinks that because he helps financially w my son that he can tell me what I can and cannot do in regards to the planning of exchange times. He even got mad at me because my ex looked at my car ( I was having problems w it when I was there to pick up our son and he wanted to look...and work on it but I said no he couldnt' work on it..he a shitty mechanic) and my boyfriend was all pissed that I let him look at the car (which hurt my car not one bit) and told me not to let him do it. Well...didnt hurt nothing and he just hates my ex. I get along for my sons sake but I dont hide anything from my boyfriend...and still he flips out and tries to tell me what to do. Seems a bit controlling and a lot of insecurities that cause issues. I have never betrayed his trust
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • OP here...I also told him that if it was going to be a problem about finances and my son that I would open my own bank account and make sure that not a penny of his went to my son because my son has a mother and a father and even though I think it is wonderful that he wants to love and support him like he is his own son....that that is why being a step parent sucks...because the say in the end is between the mother and father. He can love him all he wants when he is here...but there are some decisions that just cant be his.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • id never let my ex work on my car..... it would upset me if my guy went to his ex for lets say a haircut still cause she was a hairdresser.. there are millions of hairdressers and millions of mechanics.. IMO
    preggoinmn

    Answer by preggoinmn at 12:17 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Op here...I didnt go to my ex to get my car worked on. My car was acting up when i was at my ex's house to pick up our son. He is a mechanic but I didnt let him work on my car. He just started lookn at it and I told him I would have my boyfriend fix it and then went home w my boy
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • You can express your opinion without arguing with him. Listening to him is certainly respectful especially if you want him to listen to you. It's reasonable to believe two ppl in a relationship should respect one another. You can discuss without arguing. The man has said he doesn't feel like a man bc of your behavior. Perhaps you could express yourself, discuss matters maturely and come to a reasonable compromise without making the other feel inferior. It doesn't sound like he's trying to make you his stepford gf. He's just telling you how he feels. A lot of men wouldn't have done that. It sounds like you are a bit sensitive. No one is taking your independence but what I'm hearing is you, you , you. In a relationship it's about balance and compromise and what is fair to the both of you. (not bashing, just listening to what you are saying)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:31 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • To me, these qualities sound like warning signs. I would certainly be aware of it escalating in any way, and if it gets abusive in any way I would have a plan prepped to get out. It never hurts to be overly cautious.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 12:42 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

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