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How can I motivate my fiance to help out with our son & around the house?

I'm 20 & he's 19.. we weren't really expecting everything that came with having a baby. I had to grow up & realize what I have to do for my child. It just seems like he thinks his only responsibility is to go work and make money for us & as a stay at home mom i'm supposed to do everything else. With little sleep and tending to Aidan during the day I feel like I'm doing everything!!

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Asked by chachacha0109 at 12:02 AM on Jun. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (4)
  • Just tell him that you really appreciate all that he is doing, but that you could use some more help around the house.

    Answer by Jenny301 at 12:36 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • CM should make this a category all of its own! So many women say the same thing and many have been married for years. Like the first poster said, just tell him what you expect of him to keep it balanced. Good luck though since most men think home "work" is women's work.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:08 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Tell him what you need. Let him do it his way even if it is not perfect. Then thank him and make him feel special. When you two are around others ( Like family ) make sure that your brag about what a good father he is, how helpful he is etc. Because if you don't get help now, you won't in the future unless you are very clear about your needs. Be specific, many men need that especially new fathers. Don't say help me with the baby. Ask him to change the diaper or rock it. If he doesn't know how show him. But don't overly criticize they will use this as an excuse. Don't say I need help with the house. Ask him to vacuum or load the dishwasher. Again with the praise. Most men want to help but don't know how. If he is still stubborn about not doing anything. Leave him with the baby for 1/2 a day. Making sure it needs a diaper change, a feeding and a nap first. That usually opens their eyes quick. Worked for me along time ago.


    Answer by CelticFaerie at 3:35 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I agree with the above poster. BE SPECIFIC. Men don't know what you mean when you say "I need more help with the baby and around the house". They'll stand there slack-jawed. Instead try "I'm going to give him the bath, you go ahead and take the garbage out and unload the dishwasher". Or, "Aidan needs his bath, so go ahead and start on that while i'm folding the laundry".

    Answer by kara_g. at 9:47 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

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