Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

would u turn someone in if u knew they were taking advantage of a diabled or elderly person?

my mil calls herself a caregiver. she lives in this elderly mans home and takes advantage of him every chance she has. this man can do everything for himself and can drive still but she will not let him. he has a housekeeper too. all my mil does is wah his clothes and drives him to his appointments etc. they go out and eat everyday 2 times a day. she lives in his home yeah moved right on in and she now has him leaving the home cars and money to her. the wife died 2 years ago my mil been there 5 years. she refuses toleave him alone cus the neighbors know s what shes doing and shes afraid they will talk him into firing her so she lets him have no contact with his neighjbors what so ever she listens in on phone converstaions he has with his step daugh and step grandson,she hides the phone from him if she does happen to run to the store and live him alone. i turned her in once nothing was done. what would u do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:30 AM on Jun. 23, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (14)
  • do it again..!! and again till they listen

    Answer by preggoinmn at 8:31 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I would hire an attorney and see if you can't bring charges against her for elderly abuse and get the neighbors to agree to testify if you have a case. Personally, if i was that man, I would have knocked her over the head with something and threw her ass out on the freakin street. I hate when I hear of people abusing the elderly like that. Yeah, call the cops and turn her in. There is no way in hell she should be the one who got all of his stuff when he dies.

    Answer by 2wndrfl_btrflys at 8:35 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Call the cops, call his step daughter and grandson.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • bottom line: if he's still this capable of doing for himself (as outlined in the post), he's legally capable of making his own decisions about who gets what when he's dead/who lives with him now/etc. if he's actually being physically abused, they may step in and act on your calls. if there is an investigation, and he denies everything, says t here's nothing wrong/she's wonderful lady taking care of him-blahblahblah..they aren't going to do anything. now, if you can prove she's committing some kind of financial fraud (taking credit cards/etc out in his name, getting loans/etc, with his credentials/without his knowledge), you may have something.
    all in all...if he's happy with her companionship (as wrong as it may be to others), what can you do? if he's healthy and not complaining...

    Answer by thehairnazi at 8:43 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Well you can try to turn her in, but they would probably look at it like there is no danger to him just sounds like a controling woman (that she benefits from it) but I know what you are trying to say.

    It is up to you but that is messed should try and see what happens.

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 8:46 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • i agree keep calling on her, also try to get the step kids address of # and you can anonymously write a letter to them or call them and let them know. if they care for this man they will do what they can to step in. also when mil leaves she shouldnt take the phone what if he falls or a fire starts he needs to be able to call for help. if something happens to him and they see he couldve gotton help but due to the fact that she took the phone she could get slaped with charges. she needs to back off he is not her husband, and what about the housekeeper she could also call someone in regaurds to her behaveor. other then that i dont think much can be done cause its his house and hes allowing it, hmmm i dont know but eaither way if it was my grandpa i would step in..good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • You know I take care of my mom .I cook for her clean,I wash her clothes she follows me around like a puppy she has dementia and I also have 3 kids and a husband to tend to also.I do everything for her she can't be left alone.She goes around saying we treat her bad and we do not feed her.That's bull.....Is this person really doing this or are you just mad at her.If I knew who did this to me I would be at their front door in a second.I am no longer letting any family members over never.I cut all ties with my family.Don't you have anything bettter to do like work then spy on other people?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • hey anon.. 848am.. what if this man is getting abused for sure or was getting abused maybe hes not but what if he was? what if it was your father and lets say was getting abused would u tell the person that found out and saved ur father a spy.. or to get a job? i doubt you would

    Answer by preggoinmn at 8:52 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Him leaving everything to her is his choice if he is still metally capable to care for himself. So they would not do anything about that. Her not allowing him contact with neighbors and family is abuse however, and as a mandated report I would turn this in. Anon I am sorry to hear about your moms dementia. I have worked in on n altimeerez florr before and I know how frustrating it can be. I however don't know how much harder it is when it is your own mom. When people go to inspect any claims on a patient in that state of mind there are other things they look at. They would not assume abuse off a few remarks that she made because they are aware that she is not always aware of what she is saying and who she is saying it about. If it is something that concerns you tell her Dr she says it and that you are scared that people will think that you are actually doing what she said. The dr should help you.


    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:22 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • find out how to get a hold of his family and/or doctors. see if the neighbors can help out. Call Adult Protective Services. If she is not allowing him contact there is something wrong. It's better to report and be wrong than to not report and be right.

    Answer by bonn777 at 10:52 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.