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How can I help me?

Hey help me, I’m a 34 year young mother of 2, & my husband is driving me crazy. He is very jealous of everyone friends, family, co-worker that’s when I can keep a job. I’ve lost several jobs because of his jealousy; also what really is pushing me over the edge is he can’t keep up with the bills, or any thing for that matter. I don’t have a car, a reasonable place to live, or even a bank account. I know I’m at my last straw, however I don’t have any money so I’m not sure were to begin. I am a massage therapist however he has cased away quit a few clients…Please what should I do to help me? Family just won’t help me, I just want to run away………..

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on Jun. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • wow Im sorry you are going through this, you really need to move on, why dont you try and apply for some goverment aid behind his back goverment housing or section 8 once you have a place for you and your child then you can leave him. My husband is very jelous too, but he works hard and there are boundries it seems like your living in hell!!!!!!! you need to get out fast

    Answer by jaramilloe88 at 10:11 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Talk with a religious adviser if you have one, or a counselor. You could use some help getting your life in order and making decisions. Also you may want to consult a lawyer. There are many kinds of abuse, and being excessively jealous sounds as if it could be one.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:15 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Jealousy is usually a sign of insecurity. It is also usually an indication that the person exhibiting it has never learned to love himself just for who he is. So, instead of trying to figure out how to help yourself, you will be much better served if you try to figure out how to make your husband feel more secure and to see that he is loveable just because he is him. Instead of being critical of the way he mishandles money, try to think of ways to tactfully offer to help him manage his money. You will have to be very careful so that you don't add to his feelings of worthlessness. You can also point out to him that you really love him and want to spend your life with only him. Even if you aren't criticizing him out loud, he senses that you disapprove of him, which only adds to his insecurities. My guess is that the man loves you a lot. He just needs some positive reinforcement and someone to believe in him. That's you!

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:23 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I agree with alot of the advice given. While I don't believe in just ending a marriage cause your unhappy I think their is more too this. My exhusband was alot like this and he drank alot and he never changed. I could see the good inhim, but his bad was dragging our whole family down into his chaos and we had no quality of life. I did some things before i left because I wanted to be 100% leaving was best. I gave my all to making it work, cooked, cleaned, built his self esteem, counciling, AA mtgs, Al-anon for me. At the end of a long road I realized that he was who he was and I couldnt keep my dd in that unstable enviroment. Only you will know if he is just insecure and needs some training or if he is on the crazy side or unwilling to make changes. Do your self a favor a look into all options so if you have to go you can do it with no regrets. Msg me if you need somone to talk to...I feel like I lived in your chaos!!

    Answer by ria7 at 10:42 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I'm guessing your line of work plants the seeds for that jealousy. You could either offer to take on only female clients or something like that which would appease him. Ask him what you can do to make his jealousy go away. Unfortunately, in the past massage therapists have gotten a bad wrap and been associated with a more sexual service. I know they are legitimate now but some men who are jealous still worry. Just ask him how he wants you to still work and not upset his little apple cart.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:52 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • The above ladies make a good point. While this may not seem abusive on the surface, it is. It's considered mental/emotional abuse. He is an incredibly insecure man, who feels the need to dominate and control you. Especially, if you can't keep a job, own a car or even own a basic bank account. He's making sure you CAN'T leave him. My fear is this, if he discovers you are trying to leave, it may push him into physical violence. So, you need to contact a woman's shelter (or counselor or religious adviser) in your area and try to contact an attorney. Email them if you have to. Tell them your situation and that you fear for yours and your childrens' safety and see where that gets you. Please come back and let us know how it's working. OMG. It's terrible your family won't help you. I wish I could help you.

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 11:22 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

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