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My husband is 23 and still very immature. I'm afraid he could put our 6 weeks old daughter in danger!please help

I have been married for over a year.I'm 24 and my husband is 23.Our daughter was not planned but wanted.When I was pregnant I read every book I could get about childcare and babies.My husband wouldn't even pick up a magazine.Now that she is here he doesn't know how to take care of her and that drives me crazy.For example, I tell him newborns are not allowed in the sun, he takes her to the pool and she had a face red like a tomato.He puts her to sleep on her belly,wants to take her to the beach,doesn't wipe after she pees,wants to give her water to drink,mixes her formula with faucet water,he falls asleep with her on his chest,lets her cry in her crib...and so on!He always feels defendet if I tell him not to do it.He also wants his mom to babysitt her so we can go out.But I don't trust her,cause she is a stripper and has always guys around.What can I do?I feel like I have 2 children and I'm so sick and tired of it!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Jun. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • omg that would be so frustrating. i guess i would just keeping yelling and screaming until he finally gets the point. be far as his mother watching the baby i have the same problem shes not a stripper but she might as well be. i cant trust her. i just keep putting my foot down we may have fights but its better than putting my son in danger. everything is so new for your dh now it will get better as he gets used to it and the baby gets a few months older until then i would just rant rant rant...

    Answer by tullysmom at 11:46 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • well for one faucet water isnt that bad at all.. and no offense hes 23 never had a child and its all new to him. men are so different in their mindset then woman are. new borns can go to a beach.. just keep them fully shaded and in light long sleeve clothing that breaths easily. my husband slept with my baby with her on his chest and they both slept great.. the only things are the letting her cry in her crib or giving water she dont need it yet. but overall hes not doing that bad for a first time dad.. and plenty of children sleep on bellies to start. but hes far from a horrid father i think your taking it a tad extreme that he has her in any real danger

    Answer by preggoinmn at 11:51 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I didn't know formula mixed with faucet water was harmful. Does this mean I have to go spend all my extra money on distilled or drinking water? I also didn't know that falling asleep with your sleeping baby on your chest was harmful either. But what happens when the only way to get them to fall asleep and stay asleep is to have them on your chest and you're so tired you can't keep your eyes open? Do you force yourself to stay awake or do you wake them up and set them in their cribs so that you can get some sleep?

    Babies don't go by the books. My son's bottles are mixed with faucet water and there isn't a single thing wrong with him. I fell asleep with him asleep on my chest when he was fresh in the world. I even did it in the hospital. I've never dropped my baby. Not when he was awake, definitely not when he was asleep on my chest. But I didn't read any books, either. Does that mean I'm a bad parent?

    Answer by HisMommy414 at 12:04 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • actually faucet water is better with the fluoride and that

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I guess I am a horrible and immature mom then.....i LOVED having the kids fall asleep on my chest, always made formula with tap water. laid my kids on their tummys to sleep during the day, ley my stripper sis in law watch my kids...uh oh LOL. I wouldn't worry about him, sounds like you need to chill out a little.Maybe you read too many books! lol How will he ever learn how to be a good dad with having to worry if he is going to "mess up" in your eyes with the baby?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I have a question how does your DH treat you? I wouldn't allow my child around the stripper grandmother either. Don't allow Daddy to be alone with the baby and if he questions you about it tell him that he doesn't listen to anything you tell him so no daddy and baby alone time,until he listen to EVERYTHING you tell him and if he questions you about not ever being able to go out and having he's mom watch the baby. Tell him the truth. You know the truth hurts at times.
    Good luck your doing a wonderful job mommy.

    Answer by raemommy at 12:15 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Well since he is being resistive to your efforts to enlighten him on parenting I think your best bet is to enroll him in a parenting class tell him that you both will be going- maybe if he thinks you will do it too he won't feel so bad. Do you have any older adults (like is grandma/pa, dad, big brother, uncle) someone who he looks up to that could sit him down and give him some parental guidance in how to grow up and be a parent?
    As for tap water- if it is city water that should be fine for formula. That is what we used on all 3 of our formula fed boys. If you are worried- ask your pediatrician if the local water is ok.
    Remember each parent has his/her own way of doing things and own style. chances are your hubs will have his way of doing things that are different from yours - -it is not wrong, just his way. Some of it you will need to just let go and not make an issue of (I speak from experience on this).

    Answer by MizLee at 12:17 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • lol sorry I cannot help but laugh. I think you are over reacting.

    There is nothing wrong with tap water, When my first child was born they said put baby on their stomach to sleep, then it was on their side now its on their back. the only way my friends baby will sleep is on her tummy. How long does baby cry in the crib? My nephew would wake up cry for a minute or two then go right back to sleep. He is two now and he still does it. If you went to pick him up he would cry more and fuss.

    I do not think he is going to seriously hurt her. Is he leaving her home by herself? not feeding her at all? Not changing diapers? Not wiping if she poops?

    Answer by lady-J-Rock at 12:17 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I'd read and dr had told me to not give tap water to a newborn too... there's a lot of stuff in the water that can harm the baby (Unless there's been major changes in the water systems since then).
    Laying on tummy... I tried putting mine down on the sides instead of back or tummy (even tho dr's say to do it on the back but mine had projectile reflux and I didn't want her to gag and choke to death on her own spit up).
    Every new parent thinks the books and even their own parents/dr's/friends that have experience don't know as much as they do, and in a way it's true, you learn your babies ways but it is good to listen to what people say and consider it and then decide if you want to use it.
    Diaper changing... lots of people do that but I personally think it's nasty to do that.
    Pool... sure I'd take mine and keep them shaded as much as possible (lots of cute water toys awnd hats for the little ones.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:21 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • If you don't trust him and you keep on acting like this, he's going to not want to watch her or do any of that stuff... ask any Mom on here and they'll tell you to chill some or you're going to end up either alone or doing all of the parenting yourself.
    It's good that he even tries.
    As for stripper Mom... long as she's not stripping in front of the baby, what's the big deal? Men around, yea I'd be cautious about that but I'm sure if you said "we'd like for you to come to our house and watch the baby" then she might and you can ask that no one else be in the house.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:23 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

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