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Husband wants sex, I just want to sleep.How can I tell him??

I just had a baby 8 weeks ago.She has colic and cries every day for hours and doesn't sleep much at night. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband works and studies fulltime. We didn't have much sex during my pregnancy because my hormons were going crazy and I had a low sex drive. I told him I would make it up to him when the baby is born. But now, I want to have sex but most of the time I'm just to tired and don't want him to even bother me with it. He always makes me feel like its my job to please me. He says he will get blue balls and be in pain all day. That's so stupid!Why can't he just watch porn and do it himself?I understand he has needs but I do too and that is to sleep more than 4 hours a day!And I talked to him so many times.But he doesn't seem to understand.Every time he has a stiffy he tells me:"look what you did" I even fell asleep on him one night and he was very upset.What can I do??

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on Jun. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • You need to find compromise. Maybe he can help you with the baby or housework so you can rest, then you can have some time together. He does have needs and you really dont want him looking at porn. During a time when he is not asking for it, you guys can have a talk. Tell him you understand his needs and as his wife you want to take care of him. on the other hand you have needs too. You need help and sleep so you will have energy otherwise you are only giving to the family and are totally drained with nothing left to give. see if you can come up with a solution. Maybe a family member can hold the baby while you sleep in the afternoon. maybe your hubby can take less classes and help out more at home...see what you can compromise so you both get a little and give a little.

    Answer by ria7 at 11:53 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Blue balls? Jeezus, what is he 15? Ugh. Well.. there are some good things here. You still turn him on and he still desires you.. (Some ladies don't have that). So this is really good. Compromise and say.. Listen if you watch the baby and take her out of the house so I can get XX amount of hours of good sleep on Saturday (or whatever day), OR.. if you watch the baby while I get a pedicure and manicure for a few hours out of the house, you and I can have a romantic "date" night that night. Colicky babies are exhausting. He doesn't get it. Once HE is made to care for his child full time, like you, then he might be the one who's too tired. And I do agree with RIA7, you need to communicate and compromise.

    Answer by CoolGirlChris at 12:13 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I had the same problem. i finally told my DH that if he helped me more then maybe i wouldn't be so tired and maybe he'd get some booty. I also told him to that it gets annoying being asked all the time. I told him that i get irritated when he asks and it makes me more likely NOT to want to have sex. If you have to ask, then I'm not in the mood. Also, I had to explain to him that a kiss sometimes is just a kiss, don't think that its going to lead anywhere. Not everything has to be sexual.
    So- he helps more (without me asking) and stopped fondeling (sp) me every second he can-
    it makes it easier because he doesn't think that every little touch will lead to sex. Good Luck

    Answer by casd at 12:16 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I'm with the others... tell him that you're getting very little sleep and your body is worn down. He needs to help you out so you can catch some z's so you'll have more energy to be the wife you both want you to be.
    I don't recommend saying "if you'll do this", then I'll do that... to me that just sounds so prostitutional and cheap to me. But I would say that if you'd help me out around here while I get back to a sense of normal then it's more likely I'll have the energy to do it without falling asleep before it's finished.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:27 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Many of us went through that just after giving birth. It takes time to get over being too tired to have sex!
    Tell him to have patience with you or he can have the next baby and see how it wears him out! Tell him nothing wrong with blue balls. He can hang them on the xmas tree come December.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:34 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Find a compromise so you can get more rest.

    Try having sex earlier in the day/evening before you get too exhausted.

    Don't forget that oral and manual are also gratifying (and less taxing on the entire body).

    Answer by Mousuke at 3:07 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • First stop giving your baby formula and torturing it with colic. Breastfeed your baby as it was meant to be. Then you will get more rest, the baby will get more rest, and you will be able to satisfy your husband without it feeling like such a burden.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

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