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My husband and I have been trying to adopt for 9 years now and have even been Foster Parents in the past. We have looked into international adoption with little success because of the fees involved. Does anyone have any advice for us? We feel the Lord is leading us down this path, but how can we afford to adopt when countries like China or Guatamala cost $26,000 or more to adopt? And, here in the United States, it's so hard because of the Waiting List that goes on and on forever. Please, can anyone share some advice? My heart is breaking....


Asked by lighthousemom3 at 11:53 AM on Jun. 23, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (23)
  • Ironically I have social work experience in GA for one of the counties social service agencies doing CPS work and some foster care issues. I don't see how GA differs much in terms of other states I am familar with. I have to say that I do believe that whenever possible I do like to see healthy or potentially healthy parents be reunited with their children. It is a very difficult process and very complicated for all involved. It doesn't ease the pain of a foster family who have been nurturing, caring for, and loving a child to see them leave their home. No matter where they go on to next....that loss is so hard. We want to do fost/adopt and I have seen cases where it looked like everything is set and then circumstances change out of no where. I am committed to our decision but it doesn't change that we are willing to put our hearts on the line and more likely than not we will have some down moments.

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:14 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Are you only trying to adopt babies? There are plenty of healthy young kids who are aching to have a family of their own. Just a thought. When my husband and I are done with school we will probably adopt some kids. I feel it's almost an obligation that I have to help them so they aren't raised in "the system."

    Answer by ACL2007 at 11:58 AM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Don't know why you're having such a hard time with local adoption. Just go to your computer and type in your state and adoption photo listing and you can find thousands of children for adoption. Unless you are looking for that perfect baby/child. There is no such thing. My ex and I adopted 3 siblings several years ago and my new husband & I are looking into possibly adopting 1 or 2 more on top of the 3 grandchildren we are currently raising. Need any help pm me.

    Answer by baconbits at 1:18 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • My BIL and SIL tried to adopt from our foster care system for 5 years as well as domestic infant through an agency. They never had a placement. You have to keep in mind that different states and counties have different requirements and laws. Not only that, I can tell you that my BIL and SIL were flat out told by their SW and the state that they would not get a placement due to their being CA and only AA or bi-racial children were available. They were heartbroken and mad since they were open to all races, etc.
    The fees for IA are not all due at one time. They are spaced out over time. Also, countries like China are in such a long wait right now that people are having to redo their paperwork and having to pay more fees ( INS). The wait for China right now for a NSN child is over 3 years. For a SN child the wait is approximately 1 year. If you have questions about China, let me know. Our dd is from there.

    Answer by mcginnisc at 3:21 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • 9 years?? How are you looking to adopt? Are you registered with an agency? I am pregnant and am giving my child a better life by putting them up for adoption and everybody I have talked to have been waiting less than a year and they have all previously adopted in adoptions that took less than a year of waiting

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:05 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Anon:4:05 --For years we were trying to adopt through the Foster to adopt program. In our state it's next to impossible. Most children are reunited with birth families whether they need to be or not. We have been interested in the Guatamalan program but right now they won't allow international adoptions to take place, and the cost is $26,000 if the program is reopened. China was also an option, but because I have taken medication for depression in the past, they won't allow us to adopt either ---you cannot have taken medication for 2 years is what I was told by an adoption agency "All God's Children."
    My husband and i are not picky. We will take a bi-racial child from here in the US, but again, our state has a horrible system for fostering and adoption, and my hubby says we will not foster again. We were let down too many times, and this had such a profound affect on our other children. When we fostered back 7 years ago, we

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 4:42 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Maybe you could check into a different agency. We used Catholic Charities (two different offices in different states), and each time we waited about 2 years after completing our homestudy. Try to find an agency that keeps their "pool" of hopeful adoptive parents small (like a dozen at a time).

    We tried just getting the word out and hoping to find a situation on our own, but every time it ended in disappointment. Also, we felt a lot safer having experienced people to guide us through the process.

    Are you running into age limits? That was a problem for us, because that is one way some agencies keep their groups small. I know it's hard, but maybe if you keep looking you'll find one you can work with. If not, you've also gotten some good suggestions in the first few posts.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 4:42 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • did everything required. We went through the whole 8 week home study courses and had our home approved by the Department of Family and Children Services. We did our fingerprinting, etc. We took in many "lost" children in the system, and it killed us to watch them just go back into the system because a mom passed 0ne drug test or something. So, here we are. We would just love to adopt. It's something that God is leading us to do. Our Pastor says it is in God's time, not ours, but, the wait is so hard. Thanks for the answers you've given me.

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 4:44 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I know you said your heart is breaking and you desire to be parents now. So I don't mean to be disrespectful when I say if you waited nine years, and you have been trying to adopt for nine years, then waiting two years in a private adoption isn't such a long time by comparison. Or if you do fost/adopt program you are elligable for adopting a child who has already had his or her parents ordered to terminate their parental rights. No wait there and you are then elligable for not just the children in your state but all elligable children in the United States. These are typically older children and many of them have "issues" but you can at least inquire about specific children and what their current needs are and whether or not you and your husband meet those needs.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:40 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Thanks froqdawq. I understand what you're saying, but we were in the Foster/Adopt program and in GA, in our county, the children are almost always reunited with birth family. Even after we've been told time and again that we could adopt the child that we had in our home and loved as our own for years at a time, DeFacs always made sure that they were reunited with birth family. We're not the only family this has happened to. It's so depressing to love a child for so long only to have to see it go, and have no say so in the matter at all. Maybe I'm being selfish. We don't have to adopt a baby even. A child around 2 - 4 years old would fit in our little family so well.
    We have a 10 year old biological son with special needs and issues, that has been a challenge but also such a blessing to our lives. Every single day that he is alive and smiling makes my heart burst with joy....I appreciate all the answers from you ladies....

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 10:19 PM on Jun. 23, 2009