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How do you handle visitation with your child(ren)'s father?

What do you all think of the idea of children remaining in their familiar home after a split with each parent taking turns spending days/weeks at the home with their children? I personally LOVE this idea and have done exactly this with one of my children. The adults messed up and they're the ones who should be living out of a suitcase and not sleeping in their own beds. My son's home is his home and I will not have him sitting in a car for four hours to travel 200 miles a week to visit his father. His father can do that because he chose to live far away. My son has lived in the same house since he was born, and his father and I agree that it should stay that way. If his father and I cannot be civil and get along, I will sleep on my parents' couch, live out of a suitcase, and drive 75 miles so my son's life is not disrupted further. So far, we're making it work. What do you think? What works for you?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Jun. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Wow. That is awesome;. No, we do not do things that way here. My son goes with his father every other weekend. (only 2 hrs away). I have never lived or been married to his father, so, my son IS in his familiar environment :-) Also, there is nothing wrong with him having 2 homes. He actually looks forward to going to his dads every now and then. He has 2 homes, 2 rooms, 2 different sets of friends...he loves it! Glad your plan works for you though, it sounds cool and you are looking in the best interest of your child!

    Answer by babycakes254 at 3:14 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • babycakes254: OP here. In your situation that sounds excellent. In our situation, my ex lives in a very toddler-unsafe apartment rent-free with his brother and there is a lot of activity that would be inappropriate (parties, drinking, random sleepovers). Our son would never have his own room, as it is a two-bedroom with three people currently staying there (a couch drifter). My ex is not a bad guy, but financially he cannot afford his own place. I'm so glad your son is happy with the situation. I'm sure you've put a positive spin on it too, which is awesome. Thanks for your reply.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I'm with babycakes254 - it wouldn't work on my situation because my son was born into a broken home - his dad left after I got pregnant and hooked up with another woman to whom he's now married and they have their own daughter. So no, he travels EOW to see his dad at their home and there is no way I would allow them near my house except in emergency situations (and only his dad at that).

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 3:28 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Thats so funny. Me and my husband have said that if, Lord Forbid, anything should happen in our marriage that, that is how we would do it. Though we have enough rooms that his dad could just stay in the guest room and me stay in mine. Assuming we can be in the same house together, if not my parents is 20 mins away.

    Answer by lstrickland at 3:34 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I would talk to my ex about me having full physical custody, with him having liberal visitation. I wouldn't move out of my home at all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:05 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Wow that is great! What an awesome idea! What would happen though if/when Mom or Dad gets married again?

    Answer by katie23 at 4:17 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • While that may SOUND good. It doesn't work that way. My son goes to dickhead's for the summer and school holidays(x-mas break, spring break, etc). I don't like it, my son doesn't like it, my ex doesn't like it but we have no choice. Children have been doing this for YEARS. My son DOES love the fact,"2 b-day's, 2 x-mas's, 2, etc..."
    And exactly what Katie said, What if the other ex get's married.
    This would be a totally effed up situation.

    Answer by Starfire73 at 4:32 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • To those who posed the question about remarriage, here is our stance: My ex and I get along well. If I were to remarry, my new husband would have to fully accept the current situation with my ex and be fine with him staying in our guest room. If my ex were to remarry, his new wife would be in the same boat. She has to accept his commitment to his children and respect it. If she doesn't trust him to spend time with his son, she shouldn't marry him. If she's cool, she's more than welcome in the guest room with my ex. We're really that comfortable and committed to our son's well-being. As I described in reply #2, where he lives is an unacceptable environment for our toddler son. Also, he has a varying schedule and visits in the middle of the week often and in the future we don't want our son's school schedule messed up or for them to miss time together. Again, we created this problem, so we live with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I'm glad it works for you honestly, I am, however for a great deal of women out there (including me) the situation we are in is NOT our fault, men who we believed we knew, believed we could trust betrayed us, cheated, etc. I was left high and dry, no notice at all what his plans were just one day he moved out, he waited over a year to file for visitations and he only did it then because his girlfriend wants to play mommy, only time he contacted me during that year was when he was having women trouble and he wanted "comfort". I won't move from the home I've worked so hard to maintain (he has never contributed) He choose to leave with no explanation or care for how we were going to cope with loosing a second income, he choose to be a part time father (when his girlfriend told him she wanted to be a mommy to his children) I want him to be a full time dad, but he is to mentally abusive to be alone with another human

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • We only have one child left at home, she is 14, I have shared custody with her father, during the school year she spends 4 days with me and 3 with him, but I have her every weekend. During the summer and school breaks, since she is 14, we let her go back and forth as she wants too, she does split her time up pretty evenly. On paper we do each have 2 weeks uninterrupted time, for vacations and such. We have been doing this since she was 4, so this is normal to her.

    Answer by robinann5 at 1:01 AM on Jun. 24, 2009