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Did your teach your child to behave?

I keep reading this all over the answers section. People saying they taught their children how to behave... We have all met parents who say they wont do xyz discipline but have children running all over them. But by that same note, it is possible to try everything and simply have a child that is so willful or resistant that they behave differently than others.

Who do you attribute your child's success or failures to? Is it all your own efforts or the child's personality too? Or do you believe God plays a role in this too? Would you limit yourself to a certain style or approach for all of your children?

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CooksWife

Asked by CooksWife at 5:01 PM on Jun. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 5 (59 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • its not something you can teach and be done with. some things yeah...those are taught and remembered but its also constant and evolutionary ..as we grow and as our kids grow and have different experiences
    hypermamaz

    Answer by hypermamaz at 5:06 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Who do you attribute your child's success or failures to? Is it all your own efforts or the child's personality too?

    I believe it is very much a team effort. The ony discipline works is if the child is willing to cooperate. about a year a go i put my son in timeout and he just sat there and laughed at me! i didnt know what to do. I spanked him even. And he'd cry for a minute, then he'd get in trouble again so i'd put him back in timeout and he'd just laugh at me some more! ...finally, i decided timeout was obviously not working. I needed to find something that HE would cooperate with. So, i taught him life long skills instead. Deep breathing, counting to ten. SELF tiem outs. ect ect.

    I can put him in timeout now, and he accepts it as discipline but only because i taught him WHAT to do in timeout.
    I do not limit myself to a certain style or approach. But i dont have enough characters to talk about that.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 5:07 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Thank you ladies... I want to clarify that I am not saying that moms deserve NO credit. I just think that the implication that there is a formula for success with all children is insane. Unless of course that formula is: do what ever it takes x infinity= your best work :)


    I do attribute some of my son's successes to my work as a mom. But mostly I just get proud for him. I get thrilled to see HIM feeling confident and secure enough to obey or understand directions. I can't imagine saying "he is good because I taught him how" and I can't imagine assuming he would never test the boundaries, lol. He is after all my child and his father's son!


    Honestly I want my kids to be a bit unruly at times. It gives me the opportunity to teach and it helps me know they are mine :) I also believe in being humble about our work as parents. I do believe that God gives us what we can handle.

    CooksWife

    Answer by CooksWife at 5:13 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I think it's nature AND nurture. One parenting method won't work for all kids because kids don't start out as blank slates that can be filled with whatever the parents desires if only they do all the "right" things. No parent can take full credit for their child's behavior, good or bad, but that doesn't mean that the parent's behavior doesn't have an effect on how their child acts.

    I've tried new things here and there over the years, but overall I tend to stick with my main parenting style because it gives me the end results that I'm looking for. I try to work with each child's temperament and do things that aren't contrary to the way the interact with the world though, which means I don't necessarily do the same things with each child.
    jessradtke

    Answer by jessradtke at 5:52 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Oh man this is an issue in my house. People see how my almost 9yo acts and think I never taught her to behave or that I can't control her. That is just her. It's her personality or her behavior problem or whatever. She is beyond defiant (we think she has oppositional defiance disorder) and will do anything to tick me off. She throws tantrums like a 2yo and actually cries more now then she did as a baby/toddler.
    But look at my other 3 kids and they are well behaved in public (generally speaking...they all have their bad days). For them it doesn't take much from me to snap them back to good behavior. With my oldest no matter what I do she throws a fit and acts like a baby (knocking stuff off shelves, screaming, running away from us, etc).
    I definitely see it as being a little of both. I think most kids want to please their parents and as long as they are shown how will behave properly and others...are my oldest dd.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 5:56 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • As a developmental therapist I do firmly believe that there are some behavioral interventions that will work almost entirely across the board if they're done right.  I think a lot of parents try things but just aren't consistent with them or expect immediate results then give up. 

    That being said, kids personalities definitely have an impact on how easy they are to guide behaviorally. And not all things work for all kids.  Some just naturally want to please and others just want what they want when they want it. 

    As far as God is concerned, I would see that possibly there would be a lesson in life for the parent, a need for them to learn patience, or change how they listen to others or speak to others.  It's certainly possible if you believe in a higher being.

    bltcahill

    Answer by bltcahill at 6:05 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • It's a constant and persistent lesson.

    At the age of 2, my child is not a perfect child, but she is very well behaved for the most part. You have to approach every stage of a child's life with a sense of adaptation and preparation. If you set standards for your child and show them what will happen if they don't step up to those standards, they will understand the lesson.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 6:43 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I have three boys and each of them need a different type of discipline to learn.

    They have each learned and they each behave at their age appropriate levels or above. (commented to me by others, not my own words)

    It is a matter of learning styles. Just as with academics, everyone learns in a different way. The key (in my opinion) is the parent has to discover HOW the children learn and use that to enforce the form of discipline that will work the best.

    My oldest is a visual learner. He has to be SHOWN. He is also mature for his age and does very well with reasoning with him.

    My second is also visual but he also is very empathetic. Explaining to him how he has hurt someone or something works for him.

    My third is my tester. He's not a visual learner, he learns by doing. He has to practice the proper behavior and he does take a stronger "hand" with discipline than the other two (he's also neurotypical)
    TiccledBlue

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 6:58 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • It is a mixture of what I taught and demanded of my child and his personality. In other words, nature and nurture. There are just some things that I do not tolerate or allow and my son learned that from a young age. He isn't perfect but he is well behaved and respectful.He knows what I will tolerate and what he will definately get in trouble for. He doesn't try my patience very often. He has not been spanked since he was 4 and has had no big issues since then and he is ADHD, stubborn and independent. No matter the personality or abilities a child has, they can still be taught proper ways to act, it is just sometimes harder to do so.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:23 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Discipline is a constant thing that you need to stick with throught the childs life. A willful child is no different, it just takes them a bit longer to learn that you are going to stick it out and mean what you say. They may test you more often, but as long as parents stick with a method of discipline then all will eventually fall into place.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:06 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

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