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When to Schedule Son's Wrist Surgery? Let Him Decide?

My 14 year old broke his wrist last summer and it didn't set right. After waiting to see if it would heal over time, the doctor decided that he wants us to schedule surgery now. My son will spend the night at the hospital and be in a cast for 8 weeks. My ex-husband wants my son to make the decision as to when he has the surgery, but would prefer for him to wait until school starts. I personally would like him to do it now and get it over with. He is very self-conscious of how he looks and refuses to swim or wear shorts this year - so he won't be missing out on any summertime activities. His dad really wants him to wait until the fall, but said he thinks our son should make the decision.

He is starting in a new school this year, is very self-conscious and I would hate for him to start off the year looking or feeling different than the other kids (he already has major issues about that as it is.)

Not sure what to do.

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Dlp11494

Asked by Dlp11494 at 5:04 PM on Jun. 23, 2009 in Kids' Health

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Answers (12)
  • I think you should make the decision with your son. Sit down and discuss the pros and cons of each time and see what he says.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 5:06 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • his too young to make that decision... he needs it done for the better
    enaNianza

    Answer by enaNianza at 5:09 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I disagree. At 14 he should have a big say in when this surgery gets done. He needs to be the one talking to the Dr, you with him of course. Start teaching him now to ask the Dr the questions he has. If he already has esteem type issues that would cement the reason for me. He isn't a baby and should be allowed/able to start inputting his own opinion about matters that concern his health especially.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:30 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Summer is a darn hot and itchy time to wear a cast. I would let him decide when since it isn't an emergency.
    ColleenF30

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 5:54 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I think when things like this come up it is a perfect opportunity to give kids a chance to grow and learn. Part of that is letting our children (soon to be adults) make some decisions. This is a situation that is perfect for practice for him. I would sit down and give all your thoughts on it . . . pros and cons and then give him the choice. And if there is negative outcome to his decision then he will learn from it. It is better to learn about making decisions now when they are younger and basically harmless then when they are 30 years old and the decisions leads to life altering things that reek havoc on their whole life. I think a key piece of this should be that Adam knows there is no pressure to pick you or his Dad's preference. That is it up to him and what he wants to do.

    You might be surprised at how good Adam feels at you letting him decide. Just my 2 cents. :-)
    TessLouise

    Answer by TessLouise at 7:08 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Schedule it now so he has the whole summer to recover and he won't miss any school.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:02 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I would do it now while he's on summer break. That way it has plenty of time to heal, and when school starts back, he won't have to be self-conscious about it anymore.
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 10:45 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I think, the sooner the better. If the bones set wrong, the doctor will have to re-break them in order to fix them. Plus, your child is still growing. That bone needs to grow correctly. At his age, he could have one hec of a growth spurt between now and the fall. Best wishes. :-)
    MinstrelMommy

    Answer by MinstrelMommy at 12:45 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • OK, here's my take*pauses for the trolls to bash and gather*

    Your the adult. Yes, he's 14, it's nice that you can discuss this with him and such. He is the CHILD. You ultimately are the one to make that decision as to when, where, who, what, etc.
    a 14 year old does not have the maturity to make that decision no matter how "mature" they may seem.

    I hope this helped and I wish your son a safe surgery and a speedy recovery.
    Starfire73

    Answer by Starfire73 at 11:36 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Thanks everyone! I truly appreciate your input!

    ~ Donna
    Dlp11494

    Answer by Dlp11494 at 1:57 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

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