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Anti-spankers and/or last resort spankers, I Need Your Help!

I am not anti-spanking. I would rather use spanking as a last resort. Ya know, life and death issues. But I dont know how. I dont use it as my main form of discipline. I use re-direction, positive reinforcment, and timeouts. But when nothing seems to work, i spank. Because it works. It makes me feel horrible. But i dont know how else to get my kids to do as they are told. Maybe that's the price i pay for raising independant thinkers?
My older son is 4yrs old. He was drug exposed in uteruo (NOT my biological child. dont bash me!) as well as other issues. He's very outgoing and rebellious.
My younger son is 3yrs old. He is slow to warm, but not any easier to discipline (also not my biological child).

Any ideas, thoughts, suggestions on other forms of discipline?

 
outstandingLove

Asked by outstandingLove at 7:11 PM on Jun. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,136 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Depends on the situation. Cleaning the room, I usually set a time (for 6 or 7 yrs. and up) and if it isn't done, I clean out the room of everything not put away and they have to earn them back. 4 yrs old, usually just constant reminders and a lot of looking over the shoulder. Really I agree with a previous poster though, Love and Logic is a wonderful book by Foster and Cline, great read and great info. Much of it is for older kids, but with a little tweeking they can be worked for younger as well, not to mention the general concept on parenting is what I found to be most helpful.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 8:24 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Independent thinkers can follow rules just as well as any other child. It's anti-discipline that makes a child not do as their told. Spanking should be a last resort but if the children are not listening they need to be taught otherwise. Also Drugs in the womb have nothing to do with how a childs raised. It's not the drugs causing these kids to act out. I know as I am a Special Education Teacher. Even children who have a disability due to a mothers drug use can follow rules.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Take a Love and Logic course. It was wonderful for us.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 7:16 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Have you tried taking things away, rewards for good behavior, go to bed early? Mine is too little for this stuff, so thats all I can think of. Hope it helps.
    Love2BMommy77

    Answer by Love2BMommy77 at 7:29 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • She didn't say it WAS drugs causing the kids to act out, but it very well could be one reason why they have a hard time following directions. No kid is going to listen 100% of the time, no matter their circumstances or general disposition, period. I would only suggest things you are already doing or something like taking away privileges as somebody else here said. At their age there's only so much you can do. I like doing writing exercises when they are old enough for that, where they have to write out the rule they broke so many times, or write an apology etc. something along those lines, so that's a suggestion for when they get older. Just remember that whatever you do decide to go with to be consistent with easy to understand, age appropriate rules and consequences. They need discipline, so don't feel guilty about it either, you obviously care very much about them and that's where your concern is coming from.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Try figuring out what emotion is leading to the behavior. I have also spanked as an absolute last resort but that was in a situation of life/death(toddler running into the road repeatedly)
    Anyway, I think, especially if this is repetitive behavior trying to isolate why they are doing whatever it is they are doing is a more effective approach and then encouraging the child to verbalize those emotions and feelings rather then acting out in a physical manner.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Anon 16.
    Just because you are a Special Education Teacher does not mean that you know and understand every child. I am an Early Childhood Educaiton student major AND worked for as a respite care provider for families with children who have ASD. AND my younger brother and older sister ALSO have special needs.
    I was not at all trying to "blame" all of his behavior on the drug exposure. He IS only 4 yrs old. But I'm pulling my hair out when i tell them to clean their room and instead they make it messier.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 7:51 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I agree that consistancy is key. think of their fav things & use them. my example for our 2 yr old is swimming, playing outside, movie at bedtime, & choc milk. if he misbehaves depending on the circumstance such as misbehaving or temper he gets his playtime revoked, whereas if hes fighting nap or bedtime he gets no choc milk or no movie at night. The first 2 times we tell him 'We need to talk' & I explain the unacceptable behavior make him repeat to me what he did wrong & explain if it continues he will loose something. We hardly get to the taking things away part now but when we do we stick w it & remind him why he lost his privelage. It works MOST of the time (not 100% but nothing ever does) GL & remember they will forget it but talking to them & explaining seems to have the best results. And be sure to maintain eye contact, if our son looks away we remind him to 'look at my eyes' to make sure he hears us.
    landensmommy411

    Answer by landensmommy411 at 8:05 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Not sure about anything other than what has been said already. If it's something like cleaning up though, it's easier to get my kids to help out if we make it "fun". I make a game out of it like ask them who can do it faster, or see if they can find all of the red toys and put them away...things like that. We have a "clean up time" song too that I heard on a cartoon one day a while back and when I start singing that it usually gets my 2 year old motivated to help out. Sometimes you have to be a little creative and it's easier to prevent bad behavior than to deal with it afterward, kwim?
    whittear

    Answer by whittear at 8:10 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • mybe try a marble jar for your boys.. say like they clean there room they get two marbles.. they dont listen at dinner time you might take two awy.. but the goal being at around twenty earned marbles they get a small reward....such a ice cream. or a small new toy.. or a little extra later bedtime..keep the rewards to what make them happy.. this way the have a strong motive to behave.. good luck..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

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