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How do you comfert someone when they lose a baby?

My sister in law was 36 weeks and went to the doctor because she hadnt felt my niece move for over a day. My niece had passed away.I am currently 28 weeks with my first a little boy. We loved being pregnant together and looked forward to having our two little ones so close in age. Even though i live far away weve been close. Now though i dont know how to help her and if i should go to the funeral? I dont want to hurt her more by being a constant reminder of her little one she lost. How can i help, what should i do?


Asked by KJ_on at 7:36 PM on Jun. 23, 2009 in Pregnancy

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This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I was 6-7 months along when my brothers little girl was still born:( I struggled with the same thing....I went to the funeral but wore something that kinda hid my belly. My brother and his wife both wanted me to know that my pregnancy DIDNOT make it worse on them so you should go and try to not talk about your pregnancy with her unless she brings it up. I know exactly how you feel

    Answer by heather.darin at 7:48 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • just remind her you are there for her if she needs to talk or anything and maybe have a little memorial with her. I wouldn't talk about anything baby with her for a little while unless she brings it up first or ask her what she wants you to do. my best friend has been through 2 miscarriages and I've had one so I know how she feels and how you feel


    Answer by charrenee at 7:42 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Oh my God, that is horrible. I think you should go to the funeral to be there for her since you are so close. She will still be happy for you, even though she's sad right now. It's hard to know what to say, because you have no idea how bad she's hurting unless you have lost a child. Just be there for her if she wants to talk or cry or whatever. My heart aches for your family, so sad.

    Answer by Indygirl18 at 7:43 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • You can't avoid her because you're pregnant. If you're close, you have an obligation to go and do what you can to support her. Being there may be enough. If you're really worried about it, call her and ask if it would be too much for her to see you pregnant. If it is, then you can just offer your condolences and your open heart. I lost a best friend to an accident two years ago. It was very sudden and unexpected, and the last thing I wanted was to be left alone. I didn't want to have people bring it up, but I didn't want to be ignored, least of all by my other close friends.

    Answer by ACL2007 at 7:43 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • oh god that is horrible, im sooo very sorry. you just got to do the best you can and be thre for her, she going to go through it really bad somedays. we had a family friend who was 1 day overdue and had the same thing happen, hadnt felt the baby move in a day so she went and learned the baby has passed away.she needed alot of support and family to lean on when it came to be and after she gave birth to the baby..its got to be one of the hardest things in the world to go through that you being pregnant will not make it worse, its not something to become ashamed of you know what i mean hunny? but i do agree with not talking so much about ur pregnancy until shes ready to talk about it, hang in there..

    Answer by eSnA2008 at 8:37 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • My best friend lost her baby, but she was at 11 weeks. As awful as that was, at 36 weeks it would be beyond devastating.

    I wasn't sure what to do for my friend either, having never lost a child. I just listened. It's best not to offer trite advice at this time and just listen and be a shoulder. About the only thing I did say was encouraging words for trying to get pregnant again and left all of the cliche condolence phrases unsaid. I also offered friendly distractions and reminded her that life goes on and it's ok to still laugh.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 10:32 AM on Jun. 24, 2009