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It will never be the same

Statement: What I tried to do when re-marrying was give my kids a look at what a "real" family looked like. It didn't/doesn't work. For 4yrs I have built what I wanted- a family. Myself, my husband, my 2 kids, his 1 kid. A blended family with 2 girls and a boy with stepladder ages who got along famously. Homecooked dinners nightly, family vacations, holidays like Christmas and Easter, all together. This worked for a while, until.......

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:54 PM on Jun. 23, 2009 in About CafeMom

Answers (6)
  • Until.. what?

    Answer by victoria.mommy at 8:57 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • ?

    Answer by rose549 at 9:01 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • until, in walks the other parent, my XH, who never cared before until he found new meaning to life through his GF. Now, everything my DH and I have set up as a foundation for our kids is spinning like a toranado. Enter XH manipulating my kids thoughts to play out as them saying to me: "he is not out stepbrother, he is not my stepdad, he is your new husband!" Heartbreaking and true, my efforts are shattered. An X can destroy everything. I now have to "let" my preteen and teen DD's prance around house and allowing them to do whatever "feels" like they want to do. I am not a mom, I am the competition for their dad, the one who has to remind them why I could not live without them, and, oh yeah- "You can have/do whatever you "feel" like ". Family traditions have turned to a distant memory, and it's all about how to keep in the running, to stay their forever parent.
    Signed- sad but true.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • It's up to you to "let" them do whatever, just because ytou feel you are competing with their dad doesnt mean all ruyles go out the window. I have a step dad, who we had a rocky relationship for a while, but I love him dearly now, they will see the light eventually, and your letting them act this way to look beter in their eyes is not going to help the matter. Step-dad or your husband or whatever you all decide to call him, he deserves to be treated with respect. No judge is going to give custody to another man because you want them to be respectful and family oriented. Be a good mom and stop trying to win them over. It sucks and your ex's ways of doing stuff is wrong, but you are responsible for raising them, not be in a popularity contest.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I know a judge will respect how I'm building my family. It's my DD's who are breaking my heart, believing this BS their dad is feeding them. They don't 100% but are very afraid to disagree with him. It's like walking on eggshells when they are home with me, hoping they don't take something I say the wrong way and go "tell it to their dad for more amunition". I have them in counseling but not sure how much that will totally help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • Sounds like you need to go for family counseling... You, your DDs, and your ex.

    Answer by emslala at 2:25 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

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