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I threw a wedding for my son and new daughter in law. I didn't do it for the thanks, but my new daughter-in-law never even gave me a simple hug or thank you and I am hurt. I know I am being self-absorbed, but we planned the whole thing together and then I, with the help of my friends, gave her what she wanted. Why is it so hard to say thank you? Suggestions.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:51 PM on Jun. 23, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (11)
  • I would avoid the conflict of saying anything to your daughter in law directly. Its a tough situation. You might just casually say to your son "Hey was ____ unhappy with your wedding? I did the planning for it because I wanted her to be happy but she never said anything about it or mentioned enjoying her time so I'm wondering what I did to upset her" this takes the weight off of you, makes you look caring and concerned for her feelings and won't cause a big stink. Plus going about it this way makes her look like the ungrateful brat she is and doesn't make you look like you're begging for a compliment. You have every reason to be upset!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • My sisters friend just did this to her. She paid for an engagement party that the bride insisted on having for 300 people and my sister didn't even get a thank you! In fact she got a "well I wish you had done....(insert 100 things here) it just would've been better and more fun" She was so upset she didn't even want to attend the wedding.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • She sounds like a bitch.
    After they have kids, fill them with sugar and chocolate then send them home. That will show her!

    Answer by Starfire73 at 11:21 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • cute starfire! kids these day can be shelfish. sorry that happened to you.

    Answer by tyme4me2day at 12:06 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Why do you need an actual Thank You? Did she have a nice time? Did she complain that you didn't do enough? A hug at least would have been nice. Hopefully she has warm regards for you, and your relationship will grow. It may just be a simple case of her mother (father, grandparents, etc) not teaching her to say thank you. As long as she has positive feelings toward you, let the words go and continue to be there for her. But I do like some of the previous advice ^^^ especially the sugar and chocolate comment. LOL


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I would look at her overall attitude more than the specific words "thank-you".....Like the previous poster said, Did she seem happy at the time? Did she complain? Did you say you planned it with her? How was she during the planning? Brides are notoriously self-absorbed and understandably overwhelmed.... Instead of holding resentment, why not talk to her nicely. Don't assume or accuse her of being ungrateful, just talk to her about how beautiful she looked at her wedding and then ask her if she enjoyed it....Maybe the two of you just need to talk about it so you don't feel like you did all that and never connected about it. Is she shy? Is she usually bitchy and selfish? Look at it from the point of view of the kind of person she really, really is....rather than one little fact. If you act hurt and angry, that will contradict all the wonderful things you have done....So stay positive. Feel good about what you did!

    Answer by BJoan at 10:57 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Seems like saying Thank You or showing gratitude is something a lot of young people just can't seem to say. Many think it isn't necessary because the thing being done is looked at as an obligation to them instead of a kindness. Did your son thank you for what you did? If not, then you should have an issue with him as well as your DIL. Didn't either of them say anything at the wedding publicly thanking you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Well if my mom/ in law did that for me the least could do is say thank you. So Thank you

    Answer by littlemommy81 at 10:32 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I can understand how youd be hurt, but could you be reading a lot more into this than need be? As you know, the planning of a wedding takes a lot of work and from what you said she helped you throughout the entire wedding planning. Be happy she actually let you be a part of this special time in her and your sons life. Most daughter in laws dont get along well with their mother in laws enough to include them in one of the biggest days of their life. That says a lot right there, doesnt it? Maybe a part of you was expecting something in return for everything you contributed, but isnt seeing the smile on her and your sons face on the day you helped make happen all that matters? Sometimes we want immediate gratification, when really what matters is the end result we get with patience. "With Patience, Comes Great Thanks!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Because you DID do it for a "Thank YOU" or else you would not have been hurt when you never got one.

    Answer by newmomof1won at 2:46 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

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