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Is it impossible to ever get my husband to stop looking at porn?

I know, I know some women enjoy it and some women have no problem with their husbands enjoying it. That's great for you if you're one of them. However, I am not. I am not insecure, our marriage is great, we have sex all the time. I just personally do not like it. There's no crazy reason, I just don't. To me it's disgusting and borderline adultery and there's no place for it in my home. My husband looked at it often when we first got together and I told him my feelings and he really slowed it down. When we got married I told him it couldn't happen anymore and he agreed. I have only discovered him looking at it on a very small amount of occasions since we married 2 years ago. Girlfriends say "Oh, he probably looks at it all the time and you don't know." Well, maybe he does, but I don't think so. But I do know he does on occasion and I hate it. How can I make him drop it altogether? Is it impossible?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Jun. 23, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • My husband is a full on addict - I don't wish that on any wife. It's very difficult.

    We're going to counseling now. And I like this counselors approach. And that is - that so far, my husband may not have control on acting out - but he is capable of controlling his situations.

    This week his challenge isn't to fully stop looking at porn or masturbating, but to always use the computer in a situation where the computer is easily seen by another person. So when he goes to the lab he has to use the front rows of computers where the lab tech can see. When he's at home, I have to be around (I have a password for internet access).

    You might want to try re-arranging your furniture for starters. Put your computer in a room where other people are always around, and have the monitor in easy view (invest in a large monitor if you can). This isn't going to stop him, but it won't be so easy to do either.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I honestly don't know if you can stop him. It would seriously bother me though if I asked him not to look at it anymore, but he does anyway. That shows a total lack of respect for your feelings. How would he feel if you did something that he hated and asked you to stop, but you didn't?
    I'm with you..I hate porn too. Causes too many problems in a relationship and creates unrealistic expectations from both men and women.
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 10:40 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • This really depends on if you're right - and it's just a rare thing, or you're friend is right and it's happening all the time.

    If you're right, and it's a rare thing then you can probably just lay down the law, tell him again how you feel, and make him sleep on the couch when he does it - and that would probably do the trick.

    If you're friends right, and he's looking at it a lot, then it might be at addiction level, and really only professionals can help that.

    I hope you're right. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I say the same thing. I respect his wishes and anything he asks me to do or not to do I follow through with. He always apologizes, says he knows it bothers me, he shouldn't have done it, he won't do it again. Then it'll be months and months later and it'll pop up again. It's really disappointing that he keeps saying he won't and then does. My girlfriends all say he's doing it all the time because they believe all men do it all the time and there's no way to stop it. I don't think he is, but really, I never think he's going to again when he says he's not either, so I really don't know...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • get one of those blocker programs installed
    EthansMommy5

    Answer by EthansMommy5 at 10:56 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • You need to get him on your side...so that he really wants to stop for starters.

    So don't attack or be mean. Say "I know you love me, and as huge as your love is for me, maybe it's still not strong enough to withstand the temptation to look at pornography...Is that right?"

    Don't be offended if/when he says yes to that, stay calm, and say "Well, if your love for me, as big as it is, isn't enough to overcome the temptation, what else do you think can help?"

    Then you can make him come up with a plan...like other posters suggested. Moving the computer, putting a parental control on it, religious options, etc.

    But it really has to be his idea, and his desire to do it. You can't fix it for him, he has to do it himself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • IF you can get him to stop. let me know how you did it? i am trying to get mine to stop. I have been praying for my hubby. It does hurt, and he too just looked alittle in the early part of marriage, than it creeped up again in the marriage. Than years later, he got into it again, so keep watching him.. pray for him to resist tempation.. Prya for him, lift him up to God, to help him to resist all tempation. Cause porn leads to other things... web cam sex, etc, It is all cheating..
    hang in there, and talk to him about it, and pray about it, and ask God to help you both, etc
    oh if you do pray, bind the porn from him, in the name of Jesus, and never to return again.. Ask God to fill him and give him new clean desires, and love and eyes for you only.... GBU
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • You aren't his mother. There is no place for it in your home? Isn't it his home too? As long as he doesn't shove it in your face it shouldn't be an issue.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 7:30 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Thank you for all of the ideas. Our computer is tucked away in our bedroom, so maybe moving it into the living area would help a lot. As far as me not being his mother and this being my home, I can understand why someone could say it is his right, IF it had not been discussed and agreed to before we wed. HOWEVER, I made my wishes very clear before I said the "I do's" so no, I don't think he has any right since he fully agreed and we made the decision together ahead of time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 AM on Jun. 24, 2009