Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would you be angry?

Your husband has been talking to an"old friend" all of a sudden. This is the same friend he kissed a year ago when things were rocky in your relationship. You left for 10 months, decided to give it another try and all of a sudden there she is again.. that friend that he tells you that you are over-reacting about. Now you are confused and angry. He says you are over-reacting about, that there is nothing there. Although, he once admitted to having feelings about. What would your reaction be?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Jun. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • She goes or I go ....take ya pick!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Jun. 23, 2009

  • I'd say that if he wants the marriage to work, he can't be hanging out with women he once had feelings for right now, since your relationship is still unsteady. I'd say that he needs to commit to me and that I love him and want to make this work. I'd tell him that if she's a good friend, she will understand that he is trying to work things out with his wife and that he can't be around her right now. I'd also say that once we get our relationship back on track and I feel like I can trust him around her, he could be friends with her so long as I am included in their plans, and that if he wants to make our marriage work, he will understand my terms and respect them.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:01 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I agree with the pp. It would be one thing if he was reassuring you, but he's getting deffensive. I think he is protesting too much.
    sadira29

    Answer by sadira29 at 12:02 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I'd be upset about it, you have a right to be. However you also have to keep your head and not blow up or he won't respond to you at all. He's absolutely stepping over a line because this woman has already caused problems with your relationship in the past, but if you want to try and get to the bottom of it you need to find out why he feels the need to talk to her at all to begin with. It is a man's natural instinct to flirt and be attracted to other females, but he has a choice in whether or not he strays... Usually he won't if he's satisfied. (not saying anything about you, but he may not be getting something from you that he needs to be happy and faithful) Of course, some men just aren't the commitment type ever and there's nothing you can really do about it. Good luck.
    momofkearra

    Answer by momofkearra at 12:23 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I wasnt married but this is exactly what made me leave my ex. His ex gf was texting him (on the phone i got him) saying things like are you comming over tonight and it would be like 11 pm when she sent it. And he denied there being anyhting going on. But even after he told her on the phone (with me listening) that she had to stop her shit he kept getting messages saying things like i am horney and weird stuff like that. I finally got tired of it and told him its her or me and he had the nerve to ask "cant i have both" at that i told him i was done.
    So if i was you i would make it clear her or me and see how he reacts cause if he chooses his "friendship" he is not worth it
    Alie1313

    Answer by Alie1313 at 12:37 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • if he wanted her he would not have taken u back
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:38 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Nope, I am usually very forgiving and laid back but that would bother me to no end! His main priority and concern should be you and keeping you reassured, happy, and secure in this relationship. If he thinks your over reacting, say well maybe I am, but this is what I need to feel good about us again. After our past, this is a sensitive issue for me. I need you to end this relationship with her, because we need to build us back up before I can deal with things like this.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 12:47 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Uh no, particularly when he admitted to having feelings for her enough to kiss her. I agree with Lesli's advice. If he says you are over reacting then you say, maybe so, but this is what "I need" to feel good about us again. Her advice is spot on. It's not catty or judgemental or immature, it is simple and to the point.

    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 12:56 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I would realize that I made the choice to be with him again. Which means I have decided to trust him completely. And knowing he has had this friendship all along I wouldn't do anything. I'd stand by my decision to trust him and try not to be a jealous female. I woudln't act like his mother and try to say he wasn't allowed to hang out with her.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 7:07 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.