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Am I being unreasonable about attendance at a birthday party?

My youngest sis is planning 60 BD party for mom (surprise) 4 mos. early. Only thing I asked is to plan on a day my kids can come (E/O w/e w/father). She picked day that was CONVENIENT to HER and ANOTHER SIS. My kids can't come. Other sis's kids see my mom like 2x/wk. My kids miss everything (bad visit sit. - no one's fault). Planning sis lives next door to mom. There are 4 of us total (2 sis, 1 bro). Sis is adamant on keeping date. I won't go w/o my kids. (MY kids miss everything!). Sis seems more conc. about mom's friends and ext. family attending. Mom's frnds also planning supr. party a week before her real BD. I plan to attend her real BD. Bro. thinks 4 mos. is too early and is just along for the ride...but thinks sis is being a little selfish. Am I being unreasonable by not attending b/c my girls can't go? It's the only thing I asked when she was planning. Feeling very hurt and upset....more below...

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Cantstandya

Asked by Cantstandya at 12:05 AM on Jun. 24, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • The day is supposed to be about your mother, not you or your siblings. I think that your sister should remember that. Every grandmother would want her grandchildren there, but she would also want her child there too. I think if you guys can't fix this complication, then you should make an appearance if at all possible. I guess you could call it being the bigger person, but it's for your mom and you'd be doing it for her. Your sister should try to remember that family comes first, not friends.
    dawn_misayo

    Answer by dawn_misayo at 12:09 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Please don't tell me that it's only hurting my mom by not coming. I plan to be there for her birthday in Nov. Not attending has nothing to do with "punishing" my sister's poor behavior and bad planning. I'm tired of my kids being left out all the time. My kids come first.
    ... another thing....my mom's friends are planning a surprise party/dinner for her a week before her actual BD. Many of the same people/friend who will be at the party my sister is planning in Aug. will be at the dinner in Nov.
    On yet another note, mom's anniversary is 8/14 and the party is planned for 8/15 (her anniversary weekend).
    The few friends I've asked all have the same response, "Your mom has 4 kids, so why are 2 kids making all the plans w/o any consideration for the other 2?"
    Am I being the bad seed here?
    Cantstandya

    Answer by Cantstandya at 12:14 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Hey look you asked...sounds like you already have your answer then.
    dawn_misayo

    Answer by dawn_misayo at 12:19 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Sorry, I didn't mean to sound defensive...all of my question got cut off above and it was being continued...actually I was typing as you were responding.
    It's just hurtful and frustrating that this whole party plan seems so lousy. Esp. since I go to all the family birthdays, dinners, cook-outs, and holidays without my kids b/c of their bad visitation sit. (unfor., their father won't budge on flexibility with visitation). My mom gets to see all the other grandkids 20x as much as the family gets to see my girls and I just asked to have the plans fall on a weekend my kids can go - after all, it's every other weekend and there's quite a few between Aug. and Nov. to choose from, but she just decided to do what's convenient to HER and our other sister and disregarded what I asked. When I brought it up initially, her response was, "It's not about YOU!!!" I had to go to court to get the girls to be in her wedding a few yrs ago.
    Cantstandya

    Answer by Cantstandya at 12:46 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • yes i think its way early to plan such a party. and yes i think your sis is definately selfish and i bet shes always making the plans for get togethers. i would have a talk with her and if she doesnt listen go to your mom and express your feelings on the matter and im sure your mother would want a nice bday w/out drama. perhaps your mom needs to step in and handle all the necessaries. and as far as her friends....why cant they all come together and have a big bash for her? why does it have to be seperated? worse case scenario i can only say that you may end up having to do something with your mom instead. sounds like my family. and in my case i dont atend any function if its inconvenient.
    brandoneaglemom

    Answer by brandoneaglemom at 12:48 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Why can't you simply switch weekends with their father? It seems like you are making it a problem for yourself instead of just switching.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 7:04 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • ...Chrissy629...
    See above. Unfortunately...VERY Unfortunately, their father is one of the most unreasonable beings out there. My daughters were in my sister's wedding a few years ago and he refused to allow them to attend and be in the wedding. I had to take him to court and a judge had to order him to allow the girls to attend....so $650 later, the girls made it to the wedding. It's THAT bad.
    (This was the same sister's wedding that is planning the birthday party and won't budge.)
    Cantstandya

    Answer by Cantstandya at 8:58 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

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