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help! I want to leave my fiance!

i got engaged a month or two into my relationship the I got preg a month or two later. in december we moved in together along with my ds (now 3y/o) the past few months my fiances attitude towards ds has changed. we have said that he was going to adopt ds once we were married. as he has gotten more into the fatherly role he has become very power hungry. he punishes ds for things I would let slide and he has become very roug with him when they play. I have tried talking with him and he says he will change but never does.there are many other reasons I want to leave. problem is, I have no supportive family cause they don't think they should have to keep bailing me out. frankly I agree. well with me not working and a baby on the way moneys hard to come by so moving outs not an option at this point. I need advice. and please no bashing. I feel dumb/bad enough without it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Jun. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Your fiance needs to realize he cant be rough that you are his mother and he needs to discipline your son the way you've been doing it. At 3 yrs old, he might be old enough to where he gets older, he might be bitter. You need to do whats best for your son and new child. How will he be with the new baby? KWIM?
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 12:18 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • What about friends? Co workers? Do you work? I mean, maybe you could be roomies with someone for a while. Go to the housing authority in your area. Apply for housing assistance.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Actually moving out is an option, you just have to want to leave bad enough. There are shelters that you can stay at until you can get on your feet, public assistance, and counseling. Don't ever let something like money stop you from putting yourself and your children in a safe environment.
    I definetly want to make it clear to you, and I'm sure you're well aware already, that agreeing to marry someone after only a few months is not the best idea, especially when you already have a child to care for. I believe it's best for you to swear off relationships for at least a year so you can concentrate on getting yourself on your feet and doing what is right for your family. You can do it, believe in yourself. If you need help send me a message on here and I'll do whatever I can.
    momofkearra

    Answer by momofkearra at 12:20 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I don't know, I know my DH was seemed "rough" on our son at that age. There were definitely things that he and I disagreed on, but it worked out in the end. Our son is well behaved, polite, and respectful due to his father's influence. Our DS was our first child and to be honest, I had no perspective on the father/son relationship because I never had any brothers to compare the situations with. I also think as moms we do tend to coddle our babies a bit longer than maybe we should, its natural. I would suggest sitting down and putting in writing what things should slide, and what should be dealt with. Then write out consequences that you both feel are appropriate. That way you aren't both sort of playing it by ear. If things still aren't better, maybe some counseling is neccessary.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 12:31 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • do not let him adopt him
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:35 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • HONEY HONESTLY I DON'T KNOW HOW U WOULD LET UR FIANCE TREAT UR SON LIKE THAT I WOULD NEVER LET ANYONE TREAT MY KIDS LIKE THAT I WOULD NEVER LET HIM SCREAAM AT HIM OR PUT A HAND ON HIM. NOW I'M NOT SAYING UR FIANCE HITS UR SON BT COME ON IF HE IS BEING MEAN TO HIM KNOW NEXT HING U KNOW HE IS GOING TO SCREAM AT HIM THEN HIT HIM. NOW THE BEST HING FOR U IS FIND SOMETHING WHERE U CAN GET MONEY AND RENT URSELF SOMETHING WHERE U CAN DEPENDED ONLY ON UR SELF U KNOW U CAN MAKE IT. I WAS IN UR SHOES ONES BT NOT ENGAGED SO I DECIDE TO COOK FOOD AND SALE IT WHILE I WAS PREGNANT THEN WHEN I DELIVER I GOT A JOB N GOT DEPENDENT. OF CURSE IT WASN'T EASY IT WAS HHARD CUZ I HAD TO BUY MY BABY HER THINGS. AND YES I MADE MY SELF A BABYWASHER TO HELP A BIT. THERES MANY WAYS TO HELP UR SELF JUST THINK HOW LIFE WITHOUT MEN AND PREGNANT.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

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