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Am I being selfish?

Before DH and I got married we talked about how many kids we wanted to have and when we wanted to have them. I said I wanted 2 kids and we could start right away. DH said he wanted 2-3 and he wanted his first by the time we were 21. Well I got pregnant 3 months after getting married and our DD is now 2 1/2 months old. I turned 21 7 days after having her and DH will be 21 in December. He says he wants to try for a boy about 5 years down the road and I decided I don't want to have anymore. I was miserable my whole pregnancy(I know they say every pregnancy is different, but still...) and I want to just have one child to spoil and give all my love, attention, and stuff to. I told DH this and he says maybe and we'll talk about it down the road, but I don't think I'm changing my mind! Am I being selfish by only wanting one child to be both financially responsible for and to spoil and give all my love to?

 
MadisonsMom0408

Asked by MadisonsMom0408 at 2:27 AM on Jun. 24, 2009 in Just for Fun

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Answers (10)
  • I don't think you are being selfish at all, most first time parents feel that way actually. My first pregnancy had many complications and I was not your "happy, glowing pregnant mom to be" either. I am not one of the women who enjoys pregnancy very much. :(
    I felt the same way for a long time but when my oldest turned 4 I started thinking about having another one more and more. My girls are roughly 5 1/2 years apart and I love it. I had time with the oldest before she started school and now when she is in school I have quality time with the youngest.
    My second pregnancy was much easier and had only one complication at the beginning but aside from that was amazingly easy.
    Enjoy the new baby now and try not to dwell to much on the future. Cross that bridge when you get to it. You may change your mind later but at this point and time just live in the moment and enjoy what you have been blessed with. GL *hugs*
    MansfieldMomma

    Answer by MansfieldMomma at 2:37 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • yea. ...kind of. i mean. it's a choice the two of you have to make together. but there are many many benefits for children to have siblings.
    But at the same time. ...it's your body. ...
    i agree that you should wait and talk about it later. ...when you're little girl is 2 or 3 years old you might be getting baby fever!
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:35 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I think that it is WAY too soon, and you are WAY too young (And I am in my twenties too) to be deciding if you only want one. Enjoy the one you have, use BC, and leave the rest for down the road.

    My personal opinion: Siblings are good for kids, and make parenting easier, because they can entertain eachother, and not constantly looking to you for the interaction they need. However, that is what fits MY personality, and might not fit yours.
    3gifts.from.god

    Answer by 3gifts.from.god at 2:36 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • It is too soon for you to be thinking of another one. Give your body a rest and enjoy the baby you just had. You will know when it is time.... and that time will be when you forget about the miserable times of pregnancy.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 2:40 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • i dont think your necissarily being selfish..but, seeing as you are still verrrrrrry young, never say never!! you still have like 15 years of prime baby making years ahead of ya!! so dont do anything drastic!! maybe if you dont wanna go thru the pregnancy again, maybe you could try adopting.
    the more kids ya have, the more love ya have to give!!..
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 2:46 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • No absolutely not. I had one and I'm DONE!
    Starfire73

    Answer by Starfire73 at 2:50 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • You know what? You['re worrying too much about it right now. You're still VERY young and things can change DRAMATICALLY in a few years.

    So put it on the back burner. DH actually gave a good answer!
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:05 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I would say wait and see!!! I thought I was going to be done with one, but she's 19 mos now and I want another one! I would just wait and see how it gets.
    07lilmama1108

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 3:19 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Honestly I felt the same way after I had my son and I am still on the fence. My pregnancy was HORRIBLE. To the point where I couldn't take care of myself, let alone a child. I am definately terrified that will happen again. I also have a hard time feeling like I could give 2 children enough love, care and attention. So I completely understand where you are coming from.

    My best advice to you would to get on some form of birth control like on IUD or whatever you prefer. What a few years, then see where you and your husband are at. Maybe you will decide your family is perfect the way it is, or maybe you will want another child. You have plenty of time to decide. There's no need to stress about having another baby right now. Just enjoy the one you've already got. :)
    ronisaurus

    Answer by ronisaurus at 4:17 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • You're not being selfish, but I do think that you should put the decision away for a couple of yrs. Most new mothers insist they are never having more kids; pregnancy and labor and delivery are rough. Plus, right now you are probably somewhat sleep deprived, you feel like a milk machine (if you are bfing, of course), and just generally worn out. In a year or two, you may reconsider this decision and realize you do want another one or two after all. He wants to wait 5 or so years, anyway, so that actually gives you ample time to think this over. If at that point, you still really feel you do not want more kids, then that is your decision and I don't think it's selfish.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:36 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

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