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How do you overcome guilt and forgive yourself?

My father just passed away and I didn't care enough to visit with him,this haunts me ever since he died.I didn't make enough effort to show my care to him while he was sick,since he was terminally ill I couldn't really buy him a get well card and I looked everywhere for the perfect card and couldn't find it.Soon I kept putting off finding him a card and I gave him a few things but not enough to really say how I felt.We never got along so for me to reach out to him and have sympathy towards him was really hard.Now he's dead and I regret my selfish actions and I wake up every night thinking about how I didn't care.

 
countingsparows

Asked by countingsparows at 8:54 AM on Jun. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Level 8 (224 Credits)
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Answers (5)
  • My father is still alive, but i DO wonder about what i would do when he starts to get old & has no one. He was abusive to me & my mother. We actually spent most of my childhood running from him. But, he eventually quit drinking (he was a nasty drunk) and life changed for him, for the better. He got very spiritual & is trying his best as a human being. BUT, i do not feel close to him. He sends gifts for me & my daughter, & i don't even call him to say thank you. I did send him a fathers day card.....a late fathers day card. But i totally sympathise with you. I think i would do the same, and not give much care if he was on his death bed. But i know that i will feel guilt, as you are, once he dies. I would feel guilt that i never made an attempt to have a relationship with my father. So, i guess reading this was huge for me, even though i have no desire to contact him.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • We were having transportation problems,that was the main reason we didn't visit regularly,but if I really wanted to I could of found a way.My daughter only saw him maybe 2 times in 6 months.I just didn't care,he wasn't on my priorites list but that's not true I did care, I didn't know how to show my love to him because normally I buy him fancy chocloates or something and he couldn't eat ,so then I didn't know what to buy for him.So I kept putting that off ,until it got too late now I regret that I never gave him anything of importance.
    countingsparows

    Answer by countingsparows at 9:08 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Guilt is a normal part of grieving. Don't berate yourself. Guilt, doubt, these happen. Give yourself plenty of time to grieve and weep and regret. Then move on with your life. This experience will guide you in your future, and you will be stronger because of it. My deepest condolences. (((hugs)))
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:18 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I write letters for my loved ones who have passed. I put them on their grave site when I visit & like to think that they can read what I've writen. It makes me feel better but may not work for u. Also just writing down ur thoughts & feelings in a letter helps out a lot even if u dont do anything w/ it but tear it up into the trash. Writing always seems to help organize things in my head.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 9:23 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • sounds like something my sister or brother would do "i don't have time for you dad".. i'm not trying to make you feel worse but i don't see how anyone could just push their parents aside after all they have done for you (unless he was abusive).... i love my parents dearly & yes, my dad & i fight but i do tell him everyday how much i love him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Jun. 24, 2009