Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What to do with a out of control 4 year old?

I have 4 year old son who is as sweet as pie in day care, but when he gets home is a terror! He constantly is cursing and is beating up and hurting his 1 1/2 year old brother. I yell at him constantly and spanking don't work either. What to do?

Answer Question

Asked by IloveWWEDivas at 9:35 AM on Jun. 24, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Take away all his toys, no TV and put him in his room for punishment. Just make sure you talk to him as why you are doing what you are and his behavior.


    Answer by Christine0813 at 9:45 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • If you are yelling at him and spanking him, he is following your example by cursing at and hitting his younger brother. Kids hear better when you are talking to them calmly and rationally. Remove him from the situation/room and tell him why you did it. If he can be a big boy, he can come back in with you, if he can't, he has to stay (in the hall/other room) until he can behave and apologize. Good luck!

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 11:22 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • He must learn actions have consequenses. This will take constant work and may become exhausting but the reward will be worth it. First of all you know he can do it because he does it at school. At home you will just have to encourage good behavior and constantly reward him and affirm him when he is being good. When he does not listen then he does not get rewarded. Keep a reward poster with stars on it and give him stars for being good and then maybe after 5 or so he get a treat or toy or game or something. He will learn that the reward of being good is better than that of acting up.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 11:57 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Well, there you go yelling and spanking aren't going to help. If you want him to learn control you need to have some first. When he starts to get wound up take him to the side and calmly ans quietly warn him if he doesn't calm down he will have to go sit in his room until he can have some self control. If that doesn't work then carry him up to him room up him on his bed and tell him that when he is calm and happy and ready to have some self control to call you so you can talk about it. When he is calm go and talk to him about why his behavior is unacceptable and require an apology. As far as hurting his brother-no warning straight to his bed. when you are both calm go in and address it. If spanking is what you do then do it then make sure he knows why and end it with an I love you but you can't do that. have him follow up with an apology to his brother...That's my opinion with out knowing the whole story. It's wrked 4 us

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:58 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I wanted to add that my son still has outburst and still tries to hurt his sister at times but it is less than it used to be and at least now I can limit not so much his anger but how her reacts to it. Just try different things and if all else fails talk to your Ped. They may have a suggestion or even an answer for you.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:11 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • my brother is 5 and is out of control sometimes i knoe it might not be the same but what we do when me and hubby are babysitting we take a chair and place it in the corner andhe picks him up and sit him in the chair and says you stay there until you can behave and if he needs something we take it to him and ignore him unless he needs to go pottie or somethin until he can be a good boy or we make him go lay down for a nap and say ok enough play time you were bad its nap time and he completely hates it but we try to do things without slaping or hitting the kids so they dont get examples and think its ok to hit other people so we came up with other methods

    hope this helps

    Answer by rainingglass101 at 11:31 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Ok girl i can def relate!!i have a 4 yr old n a 1 n 1/2 yr o , i know what your going thru! everyone is right smacking n yelling dont work !! sometimes in certain situations ( u know what i am talking about hurting self or others) u have to . my son beats up on his brother all the time! Taking toys,tv,naps,spankings,yelling (b/c he yells back lol!) nothing seems to work ,but i know i sound out of my damn mind but just try it , he starts his hissy fits again, take him in a room w a rug, he starts kicking screaming acting a fool, get on the carpet n act a fool w him so he can see what he looks like, and when he sees what he is doing he will calm down and be thinking like what in the world???lol! when he stops get on ur knees right to his eye level and tell him u see how u act? do u see how ridiculous it is? and explain he will hurt the baby and his brother will grow up and not want to play & share ect if he continues to hurt him

    Answer by LizNavarro at 11:58 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • maybe you should take hi, to a evelopmental special and see if he has any behavior problems

    Answer by lovejoy at 2:25 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.