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what would u think please no bashing last thing need right now...

my husband has cheated on me twice in the past last time was 16 months ago and i forgave him twice.. i was determined to make my marriage work. well he was dirty texting a friend of mine and she couldn't stand what he was saying and she was forwarding all the messages to me and they were graphic where he wanted to u know what and all that..and how he wanted to meet up . i confronted him , he said it was all talk and that he was wrong and fudged up.. well i still kicked him out of the house last night. but i miss him i know how wrong that sounds.. cause he didn't tech cheat.. should i let him back in after a period of a break or file for divorce im just scared cause im a sahm and no income or job. im just so hurt and frustrated and confused right now

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:36 AM on Jun. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • if it were me, i wouldn't let him back in....all "break ups" are hard at first, but you don't deserve to be treated that way....try to get PA until you can get a job
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 9:39 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Know you are doing the right thing and it will hurt. You will miss him, but don't let your kids grow up seeing their mom disrespected like that. You are in the right, he doesn't sound like he's going to change. You will have to get a job, but you can be strong. Think of your kiddos! They need to see a stable and happy relationship and your husband is not going to help with showing them one. Good luck and stay strong!
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 9:40 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • He didn't cheat on you again because you caught him before he did. And just because he didn't this time doesn't mean he won't do it again. Like they say once a cheater always a cheater! I'm not going to tell you to file for divorce, because it's not place to tell you something like that. But maybe you should try counseling. Good luck.
    mamaada

    Answer by mamaada at 9:41 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I wouldn't let him back. You said he cheated twice and what he was doing is emotional cheating and if your friend didn't forward those messages to you he would have kept doing it and maybe found someone else to cheat with. Yes you love him but it's not worth the heartache and disease he may bring home to you. I say it's time to move on and worry about yourself and kids. So sorry.

    Christine0813

    Answer by Christine0813 at 9:42 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • hun, please yes he was being a jerk ok ~ but he didn'r screw her did he? he txt her which is wrong ok some men are just grown "boys" keep him out for a while but divorce over a txt come on hun ~ think about it are you serious?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • You forgave him twice for cheating, and then he was dirty texting a friend of yours. Dirty texting a friend of mine would be grounds enough for me to end it, but when combined with the cheating, I think you already know what to do.

    I realize cheating and texting are technically two different things, but the fact is dirty texting is a prelude to more. I mean, I certainly wouldn't be dirty texting someone unless I wanted the chance to jump them, you know?

    I gave my ex 3 chances. 3rd strike, he was out. It's up to you what you want to do here, but it seems to me that he's proven that for him, the old adage "once a cheater, always a cheater" applies.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:49 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I think you should separate first. Hold off on the divorce. Maybe some times away from him will make him realize what he has. If you get back together and he keeps doing what he is doing. Than you need to call it quits.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • He did cheat on you with the texts, IMO! That is emotional cheating and he was attempting to do it with a friend of yours. That really over-steps what is appropriate. If you are trying to make yourself feel better by saying it wasn't technically cheating, then I think you need to think long and hard. He shows no respect for you as his wife, and no respect for your friendships and lacks any sort of boundaries regarding commitment. There is a big difference between missing and being scared of being alone. Look at what you want. He would have to take care of you and the kids if you divorced, but you would probably have to make changes like a job and housing. Think of STDs, and the example you two are setting as your children see what is going on btw you. No matter how you try to shield your kids, they see. Find your inner wants, needs, and own self-respect. I'm sorry, but I think you need to move on and up from him.

    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 9:59 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • I personally would seperate and request he go to counseling with you...and as far as "it was only sexting"...that was probably b/c you have a good friend who wouldn't allow it to become more...if she had sure let's hook up then what? Would he have gone? Those are some questions you need to ask yourself...he has done it before.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Are you asking us what we think you should do or what we would do?
    Nobody can tell you what is best for you or your family.
    But I can tell you that since he has cheated in the past and it is obvious he tried to cheat with your friend I would never let his cheating a** back and file for divorce but thats just what I would do. He obviously doesn't respect you, he went right under your nose after your friend. THat is lower than low if you ask me.
    heather.darin

    Answer by heather.darin at 10:12 AM on Jun. 24, 2009

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