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Why am I so mean?

So latlely my husband has been very moody, he has been drinking more and smokes (not ciggarettes). A few weeks ago we went and looked at cars because we need one for me and we ended up not getting one. My feelings were hurt pretty bad and I was crying, he went to his brothers because it was 4/20, gave me absolutley no comfort what so ever.

It hasn't gotten any better, and instead of telling me whats wrong he always says he doesn't want to talk about it. So I am always being mean to him and saying mean things. Last night HE refused sex and I told him he needed to leave.

I am having a very rough time ladies. He isn't going to leave and I told him I didn't want him to, but I am just so tired of everything. I guess I just need some words of encouragement.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Jun. 24, 2009 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • It sounds to me as if you are really on your own. He isn't being husband to you, and you are finding that you can't be a loving wife toward him. Could you talk with a religious adviser or counselor to see what to do now? Meanwhile, even though I agree with anon that the booze and drugs are a major problem, you could try changing your attitude. Don't say anything mean to him. To do this you must think before you speak, every time. Get some practice before even talking with your husband. When you are at a cashier, or on the phone for example, think, and then speak. And determine that you will not speak mean words to him even though you really want to. Think what he sees when you do this, he sees a harridan, and you don't want to seem like that, you want to seem like a nice person who cares about him. You can take control. Talk with a professional to get advice, too.

    Answer by Bmat at 1:26 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • He needs to put the bong and bottle down.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • stay strong and stand tall maybe its just a hump he needs to get over. just ignore him good luck hun xo its hard when they dont talk to u.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • i wish i knew what to say. hubby was gone on 4-20 too. i tried and tried to get him to quit for about a year after he started up again (he smoked before we got together & stopped) but my efforts were futile. i eventually just gave up & let him do his thing & started doing my own. if he doesn't give a fuck about me, why should i stress myself out CARING so much about him. so i gave up, worried only about myself and the kids, let him do his own thing, and out of nowhere, his behavior changed & started trying more. i guess men still enjoy the chase or something. i don't know-- they're all idiots! anyway, he cut back (i wish i could say he stopped, but i guess thats a step forward for now) & is making more of an effort now. i guess he saw that i wasn't gonna keep the marriage alive anymore if he wasnt gonna change, so i stopped trying and that's when he stepped up i guess. we're still working on it, it takes time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • He's being mean to you. He's selfish and you're too afraid to call him on it. He's failing you as a husband. Quit blaming yourself and decide if you really want him around because I know I sure wouldn't.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • some guys just have trouble expressing emotion, even to their most trusted loved ones. maybe try not to be mean towards him...just bite your tongue. Let him know you are always there for him. if the drinking and drug use is getting way of of control, tell him you are concerned. if you have already and it's in one ear out the other, let him know you mean business!

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 1:36 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Some men have trouble realizing that life isn't what they thought it was going to be. He may be going through that realization that he is not going to become a rock star or even a professional musician. That can really hurt a man's ego.

    On top of that, pot can really add to the introverted behavior. It is such an isolationist drug. Even when you're not smoking it, if you are a regular user you may be less able to deal with others and worse at communicating. Try to avoid internalizing this as your own problem, it's his as much as yours. maybe he'd be more inclined to talk if the two of you got a sitter and went out for a beer?

    Answer by beckcorc at 1:48 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • fogot I put in that thing about the car, my internet friends know me too well.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Jun. 24, 2009