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does anyone have any suggestions???

I got my 19 yr. old away from her deadbeat man and she has been accepted int a college.Her boyfriend has been giving her problems though.He called her last nite and was aking her why she hasn't came to see him,she said she has been getting herself ready to go to school.He wants her to marry him,but in the four yars they've been together she has worked more than he.He told her if she doesn't come to see him by this Friday,then he doesn't know if they will remain a couple.He says he wants to go to the same school,but isn't trying to hard,and he didn't want her to get a dorm unless he was in the same dorm.He hung up on her,and made her cry!!!I am furious that he is not supporting her in this!!!He is trying to bring her down,and seriously!!!I need some help as to what to tell her @ him.I've told her several things so far,and I and her stepdad are behind her.Any suggestions as to what else?


Asked by momz1970 at 4:43 PM on Jun. 24, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (5)
  • He is obviously using manipulative tactics to control her. Ask her if she really wants to give an emotionally abusive man that kind of power over her? He's trying to sabotage her educational opportunity. That speaks volumes. She's obviously an intelligent girl or wouldn't be headed out to college. Remind her of her goal and to never let anyone stand in the way of her goal, not even a man who she thinks she loves. She'll find many more men at school and this would make a nice time to break with him anyway. If she gives you a hard time then ask her what she would tell her dd if the roles were reversed

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:36 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Sometimes no matter what we adults say to the teenagers they go with their hearts, but in this case just tell her...Look at the way he is making you feel now can you imagine when you guys are together yes it might be feeling happy and good but all that comes to an end even though it seems like it will never end. If I were her I would just leave some where else in another state and go and start a new life. She does not need this kind of a treatment from no guy. Education first then love, if love comes with it make she knows her education comes first and tell ur daughter that once she finds the one she truly loves that will be for a long time so chose well and be patient. GL


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 4:52 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • speaking as a young girl that has been in her situation more than once, the more you push her the more shes gonna run, just be accepting, be there when she needs you, tell her the facts but dont force what you want apon her. nothing can change her mind but her

    Answer by 2cuteboysrmine at 4:52 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Just try and let her talk without really saying anything negtive untlil she is done talking Then ask her like he just made you cry why. He does't want to be alone. He is jellous she is doing something without him?

    Answer by sherry2031 at 9:58 PM on Jun. 24, 2009

  • Give her a chance to see things for what they are by NOT being too critical of it yourself. I see what you are saying and as a Mom this isn't what you want for your daughter at all...But you have a better chance of her seeing the reality for what it is if she doesn't have to defend herself and his actions to you.

    Answer by BJoan at 11:34 AM on Jun. 25, 2009