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Are you happy with your work...

Hello Ladies, I have twins that are three years old and I am very curious if you are happy with who your children have become? Many people have a predisposition about what they what and expect our of their children, if you are happy with the results how did you do it and what do you recommend?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Jun. 24, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • Oh...great question! Of course, the answer is complicated, but I am sure you expected that! My daughter is 20 (and I also have an 11 year old son) and life does throw you some curves along the way...for example, I am divorcing after over 22 years....and I never thought that would happen. I gave up on perfection a long time ago and that is a very good thing! I think the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is focus on being "good enough" rather than perfect. Personally I think it is a good idea to accept that your child has a basic temperment and pre-dispositions and work with those rather than fight them. Every trait has a good side and a not so good side, so try to make the best of the traits your child actually has. Honor who they really are and realize you can't turn them into something they are not, but that you can help them be the best they can be! Overall, I am happy with things with my daughter (20)..
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 11:19 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I also feel that the best thing you can do if you want to maintain any ifluence over your child as they go through the difficult middle school and high school years is to maintain a "relationship" with your child. Keep talking and keep listening and let them know how you feel about things and what you expect, and also allow them to share their thoughts and feelings with you. My daughter is in college and she has goals for herself. She messes up things sometimes (for example, currently in the middle of a scramble for late registration because she failed to follow up on a required tb test soon enough). She also can be too sensitive and defensive....and she is a little more negative than I am (she says I am in denial). I see that she has so much potential and all of her angst will make her an even greater writer since that is what she chooses to do! I try to keep a sense of humor and we share some inside jokes. (continued)
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 11:26 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Overall, I am happy with how she turned out (or is turning out...) because I adjusted my expectations to match the actual child I was dealing with. Not some imaginary child I wanted her to be. The kids change and go through phases and they don't always do what you expect....they will break your heart sometimes and melt your heart at other times. There is nothing more precious to me than my relationship with my daughter. It is the closest thing to my heart!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 11:30 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • OP_ I really appreciate your answer... it hit the spot. My daughter and I are so opposite and she's only 3. And I worried it would put a strain on our relationship but as you put it

    "Personally I think it is a good idea to accept that your child has a basic temperment and pre-dispositions and work with those rather than fight them." is the best advice i've had since they were born (I have twins boy/girl). Thank you thank you so much, you made my day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • im very happy
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 10:04 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

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