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termination of BM's parental rights?

BM last visited DS Sep of '08. She last called DS Feb of '09. She has not paid any child support. never sent a gift, or a card. didnt even call on his birthday. We have reason to believe she has moved because we sent a certified letter but it came back to us, so her where-abouts are currently unknown. Under California law we have grounds to file for termination of her parental rights after 6 months of no contact. But our laywer tells us she wants to wait until September so that it's been a year sense she visited. I dont know if i want to wait that long. DH's tour in Iraq will be ending in late November and he's stationed in Germany. It would be really cool if we could FINALLY move there. PLUS she has an earlier abduction charge, which is why she lost all custody (she maintains her paretnal rights, with supervised visitation) Should we listen to our lawyer, or try to talk her into an earlier date?


Asked by outstandingLove at 1:59 AM on Jun. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,136 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I would go with your gut on this one. Don't listen to the lawyer, what if this nut makes contact in the time he wants you to wait? YOU know the situation better than anyone. I can't stress it enough, GO WITH YOUR GUT!!!!! I have no tolerance for BM's who don't act like true MOM's being a SAH"step"Mom myself. Protect your family so you can all live together the way you are meant to. I truly wish you all the best.


    Answer by BubbaLuva at 12:46 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Ok, the way I am reading this, it would only be a difference of a month, right? August 09 should be the 6 month date of no contact (assuming she doesn't call) & Sept 09 would be the full year of no visitation. Maybe split the difference & file in late August? Personally, I would try for the earlier date. That gives you 6 months no contact & 11 months no visitation. By the time you get a court date, you will be right at the one year mark. I guess I would be afraid that she would try to show up right at the one year point. Document everything you have (you might even want to try another certified letter, just to get more proof that you have tried to reach her) & keep track of all the holidays & birthdays & visitation that she has missed. Good luck!

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 2:40 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • If you try to "talk" to her about how your wish is to adot earlier and make your case with her why it is in the best interest of the child - it could be considered illegal and called coersion. It would be best to listen to your attorney. He is telling you to wait because that is the law. If you fail to listen to his counsel and the adoption does not go through because birthmother reports to the judge you attempted to bully her - you will potentially loose this child. No matter how many delays or how frustrating it is you have to know you are at the mercy of the family court system AND birthmom still has rights until all is signed and done. She may not appear to be the most caring person but she is the woman who gave birth to this child. Listen to your lawyer.

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:08 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • frogdawg
    you clearly misread my question. the law in california is no contact after 6 months. and how could i possibly be "bullying" the mother if the mother never calls? i dont even talk to her. i'm a little confused on why you'd even say that. Also, we will NEVER lose DS because of BM's previous abduction charge. SHE ABDUCTED HIM., ...i think there are a few things you overlooked when you read my question.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 10:51 AM on Jun. 25, 2009