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Too overprotective?

My DD is 12 going on 25. She thinks she should be allowed to go everywhere with friends and unsupervised. We do not feel comfortable with her roaming around a mall on a week night, so when she asked, her dad told her no, but that we would take her and her friends to the mall this Saturday, and they could hang while we shopped. She threw a fit, went up to her room and after awhile was all quiet. I went up there and she was gone! After calling around we found she went with the neighbor friend to the mall anyway. Now yesterday she got all huffy about going to the larger mall, and was told no again because of the previous incident. She literally got up in dh's face and cursed at him, and said in no uncertain terms she was going to do what she wanted to do. So that night she snuck out again.

Are we too overprotective? Should we just let her go? What would you do in this situation?


Asked by WishyClarkson at 10:01 AM on Jun. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • I always thought that my parents were over protective because I had to tell them where I was going who I was going with and they had to meet my friends parents first. I thought this was crazy because I was 16. when I was 12 omg if i would have done that I don't think i would be talking to you now. I don't think that you are being to over protective because she is 12 and already has more privileges than I did at 16. I think that she should be happy with what she gets. I remember the one and only time I decided to sneak out of the house my dad found out and took away my door, and my radio, I was already not allowed to have a tv in my room because my tv time was monitored. thinking about it now, I hated it when I was growing up, but now I'm thankful that my parents were strict like that I think that it has made me a better person. I just say stay strong and remember that your the parents and she is only 12

    Answer by RhyliesMommy01 at 12:16 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Don't let her go to the mall on Friday nights...or if you...let her know you will be coming up later to get fill in the blank item.

    I don't know about nowadays, but 10 years ago when I would hang out at the malls on Friday nights...we were troublemakers. It was a bad bunch of friends...we drank, did drugs, some shoplifted, smoked...and some of the girls would go to the guys cars if you catch my drift. I don't know her personally, but from what you are sounds like she may have already fallen in with this crowd.

    Good Luck Hun!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Absolutely not! She is testing her boundaries and if you give in now, she will walk right over you. Stay strong and consistent and let her know that , while you love her, there are rules and consequences for breaking them! I think 12 is way too young to be wondering around .. I can remember what stuff I got into at that age and now wish my parents had been more strict on me. Keep up the good work and Good Luck!!

    Answer by Emuu at 10:07 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • No not over protctetive. I mean if she wants to go to the mall with a friend then it would only be if another parent took her or you. I mean she is only 12. If she is sneeking out now just wait until she is older. You really need to get a hold of her now before it is too late. If she is talking to your dh like this now you have a big problem, If one of my hubbys daughters talked to him like this she would have a good slap across the chops. Sometimes some hard disipine is needed. You need to set the boundaries and stick with them. Maybe put some bars over her window until she can stop being so sneaky.

    Answer by jmann83 at 10:07 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Um. No you are not too overprotective. Your child needs some serious discipline like NOW. I would take her door off the hinges and put an alarm on her window so sneaking out is not possible. I would make her earn every single bit of fun and any free time or privileges by doing chores and being respectful and responsible. A twelve year old has no business roaming around with friends and you are right to think that is not OK. I would crack down now and let her know that acting like that and sneaking out is totally unnacceptable and that there are serious consequences. Good luck.

    Answer by KTMOM at 10:08 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I agree with you! My rule with my teenager is "out with a purpose". He can go to the mall for a movie and then for a half hour or so to eat. But he can not roam the Mall or anywhere else for that matter. I have the kids at my house a lot... we do fires around the fire pit, stuff like that. We have also started letting him bring friends to family things like boating and camping trips. I know being social is important to them, but jeez- what do they to look forward to when they are 15 or 16 if they get so much freedom now! As far as what to do about sneaking out- I would take her cellphone for a while and have her earn it back...but who knows what will work, she sounds adventurous! I hope you can find like minded parents and work together to get the kids involved with things you all can feel comfortable about!

    Answer by teampalmer4 at 10:08 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Gee, if my son acted that way, I would take away his computer and Nintendo, phone, and remove everything from his room but his bed and clothes. He wouldn't get anything back until I saw appropriate behavior for an extended period of time.  Sneaking out is dangerous behavior.

    You are NOT overprotective, and even if you were, it's still your call, not your 12 yr old daughters.


    Answer by mancosmomma at 10:12 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I would beat that ass. Why are you trying to be her friend and compromise? You are the parent. not her

    Answer by Zarviemom19 at 10:25 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I agree with Mancosmama!


    Answer by Starfire73 at 10:42 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • totally not overprotecitve!! she's 12!!!! but, i remember being 12 and definitely thinking i was 22 & could do whatever i wanted. take her door of the hinges, if she can't respect you and her father, then she doesn't deserve the respect of privacy. that will also make it more difficult for her to sneak out! and most malls around me have made it so minors are not allowed to be in the mall after a certain time without a parent or someone over 21, which i think is an excellent rule!

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 10:42 AM on Jun. 25, 2009