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When Dad Says No, Do You Say Yes?

I admit I have done this on a few occasions. Recently it was because my 13 dd wanted to go on a date with a boy she liked, and Dh told her no she could not go. Well knowing how much she wanted to, I told Dh we were going shopping instead, and then dropped her off to the movies to go on the date.

I know not my best move! And not setting the best example, but there have been times I felt he was being to strict on the kids, and knowing he said no to them, I have let them do it anyway.Not frequently, but a handful of times.

Have any other mommas said yes to your kids on something their dad just told them no on? Ever been tempted to? How bad of a message does it send?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Jun. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • What I would have done if my hubby had said no, is talk to him privately and said hey she really wants to go, and talk about the pros and cons and if he still said no, i would stick with no. he is the man of the house and what he says goes, the children need to know that, but then again my husband always agrees with me. =)

    OH AND 13 is far too young to let your daughter go to the movies alone with a boy. sorry.

    Answer by trl30 at 4:56 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Ahhhh divide and rule. She has learned young. You guys need to be on the same page, or it is going to happen more often over more things. She will also get the idea she can walk all over dad just by asking you and getting you to bypass his no. I suggest nipping it now. Tell her you made a mistake, and from now on you will be backing up his decisions.

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 10:56 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • My Hubby and I only have one child, and he's only 6mos...BUT, when our children to get old enough to start doing things and asking for things, it is VERY important to both my Hubby and I that we have a UNITED front--granted we will not agree on everything, but then we need to find compromising ground that satisfies us both.

    In your case...why couldn't they have rented a movie and watched in your home?

    I firmly believe in parents having a firm united the kids don't turn that and use it against the parents.

    Sorry I didn't have any experience advice to give you, but I do think you're sending out the wrong message to your daughter. Maybe get her and your Husband together and come clean to your Husband and tell your daughter what you did was wrong.

    Good Luck Momma, all will be okay either way! =]

    Answer by carliemarie1015 at 10:59 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I have never intentionally done it. I have a couple times not knowing that he said no about something... then we (dd & I) both get fussed @ until we realize that dd was "tricking" us...(that's what she calls it; she's 5). She has learned that whatever she was wanting, usually to go out & play, is not only taken away for that day, but the next time as well. She's getting better... :)

    Answer by bridgeh2o at 11:07 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I believe that parents need to be a united front. If you didn't agree with his decision then you should have talked to him about it with out the children around. You've just taught your daughter that she does not need to respect her father and that you don't respect him either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Oooh, bad bad bad move mom. 13 and dating ALREADY?! Crasy man!

    Answer by Starfire73 at 11:21 AM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Why did dad say no?

    I never go against his wishes (have on accident though) I have talked to him to find out why he has said no, and either reassured him with some of his concerns or agreed with him. At 13 dad probably felt she was to young and I agree, but you didn't just go against his wishes, you decieved him in a big way. Hope he doesn't find out!

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 1:33 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • There is something very dysfunctional in your family. Please have family counseling before your family completely disintegrates.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • We're just starting to get into this with our kids. Nothing big, just things like asking for candy and stuff... I think it is important, especially in the situation you just described, to not override the other parent's decisions. Not only does it send her a bad message, but it could cause HUGE problems between you and your husband.

    Answer by Silvertears1275 at 1:38 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • No way....we stick together. If he says no then I back him. If it is something we need to discuss then we do it without the kids around and if WE decided that it should be a yes then whomever made the intial decision is also the one who gets to give the change in answer. I would never ever disrespect my husband like that.

    Answer by mamakirs at 2:29 PM on Jun. 25, 2009