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Answers / Life & Home / Relationships

Way before we even met, when my husband was in the military, he dated a woman for a lil while & she got preg & didn't tell him until he got sent overseas. When he came back she had had the baby and got married to someone else. (She was also in the military.)

He had to get a DNA because this woman had to test like 6 different guys to figure out who was the dad because she had been cheating on him. Turns out, the baby is my husband's. But the gf fought it and said he couldn't be a part of the kids life, and lied and told her new husband the baby is his. The husband also is the one that signed the birth certificate and everything. But over the years, the gf got a divorce (for cheating, & having someone else's baby while married). So every once in a while she tries to contact my husband. Just random emails, "Hey haven't talked in a while. Call me." My husband doesn't respond to them, as this kid already thinks someone else is his dad. And she's just one of those women that likes to string men along for the attention & to try to hurt them. But sometimes I'm concerned that one of these days, this kid is going to show up on our doorstep looking for answers. How should I feel about this?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on Jun. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I think right now it really depends on how old the child is. If he's old enough to understand that though he has a daddy already, someone else is actually the one who helped create him, then your husband and the woman need to talk about it, because your husband does need to have that kid growing up thinking his biological dad wanted nothing to do with him. An arrangement needs to be made. Unfortunately, since your husband is not married to her, nor has he ever been, he doesn't actually have any legal rights. Personally, I'd be there during the time he talks to her because she's obviously a conniving bitch.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • hmm to me its kind of hard to say how you should feel about it. But atleast your taking in consideration that one day that may happen, but when it does its not too much that your husband can do but to explain the situation as best as possible. If I were your husband I tried to make an appearance in his life no matter what another piece of paper says (b.c.) because in the end that's still his blood related child. Maybe waiting til he gets to an age to understand things fully it'll work, but your husband should never NOT see his child just because of the mother. If he really wants to be a part of his life he'll fight for him, or just wait until he's 18. idk that situation is hard. hoped i kind of helped :)
    dorkish_face

    Answer by dorkish_face at 12:53 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • you should not punish the child for his dads errors. Yes an open communication is the best policy remember Birthdays/Holidays and see if anything happens That baby is your husbands for a reason maybe to test his fatherly skills and unselfishness! Keep his ex at arms length though but be warm to the child. Maybe if the door does open make a nice family dinner but yes I see your concern avoid talking about money and be happy she is not going after support but maybe he should offer if it is his? A father needs to know all hs children are safe and happy to be at peace!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • this will cause depression in thedad if he recieves a guilt trip from you! Let him handle it all and keep OUT!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • it is a hard lesson to learn sorry you are the innocent bystander but you did marry him! If the child ignores him let sleeping dog lie!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • try again in a year but at least try once a year to connect
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Proverbs 10:21 The lips of the righteous nourish many.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I personally think your husband should fight for visitation to see his child if this lady is as bad as your husband says she is the child may need a stable adult in his life. I think he is really missing out so what if the bio mom told the child thats not in his dad he has rights he needs to be a father.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • My son's gf ran off with his kids years ago and said we abandoned them. They hated us for years. I happened to have saved the letter she wrote saying we were not allowed to see them. All these years later I found the kids on myspace. They didn't want to talk to me but one finally called. I sent him a copy of her letter showing it was His Mother who kept us apart. She even said her parents adopted the boys and there was a restraining order against us to stay away. Neither was true but we didn't know that back then. Now they hate their mom and their relationship with my son and us is great. Keep whatever emails she sends. If she just said it on the phone you may be hosed. But if they ever contact you let them know. One word of advice. Open a bank account for the child and give it to the child on 18th bday to let the child know dad thought of the child and cared. Every birthday and xmas deposit some money so it will add up
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:05 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • **** Part of me is jealous that someone else technically had his "1st child". And I never want this woman to contact us or anything. And another part of me is really pissed she is such a conniving bitch. That she would do this to my husband (who is such a sweet person) and that she would do this to a child. (And no, I've never put my husband on a guilt trip about this, nor do we talk about it that much... I was just curious as 2 what other women out there thought about this situation.) I think the best advice I've read thus far on this page is 2 "let sleeping dogs lie". Based on what I know about this woman, she will never tell her child the truth. Nor do I really want her 2. That would just cause 2 much stress on that child. (I would know, I wasn't raised by my biological father, and I wish I was never told who my "real dad" was.) Hopefully, none of this matters cuz it's in all in the past... ***
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

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