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How do you handle Parental visitations with a man you don't trust and hate?

My youngest son is the product of fling I had during our seperation. My SO, the father of our oldest, and I have since reconciled. He has been raising this other man's son as his own since his birth. His biological father is a liar and a heartless person who preyed on me in a fragile state. He has shown no interest in this child and has yet to pay me any child support. But now after 9 months he wants visitation rights. We are going to court and I know that something will be granted to him. I am tormented by this! I don't want this man anywhere near my child! I can't even sleep thinking about having to surrender him every other weekend. Even if it is only for 24 hours. Is there anyone else out that that can give me some words of advice. The man is terrible with children and his mother was abusive to him growing up. How do you deal?


Asked by missv66 at 2:18 PM on Jun. 25, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • It will get easier with time...If you can prove that his mom was abusive to him when he was little you might get that to work to your advantage.....Talk to your lawyer about it and let him know that the dad has said that. Also let him know that his mom was abusive that might be enough to make it be supervised visits

    Answer by heather.darin at 2:23 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Oh yeah, he is only agreeing to visitation because his mother wants a grandchild. He has admitted that to me freely. I don't want to deprive these people of their rights, I just want to know how to handle the pain.

    Answer by missv66 at 2:20 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I know you don't want him to have him but unless you can prove he is unfit then you gotta let him go. The baby needs his dad in his life even if you don't like him. May I remind you that he was good enough at one time to" lay with" I am not bashing but I feel like unless he is abusive to the child him and the baby have a right to have a relationship

    Answer by heather.darin at 2:21 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I'm in a similar situation. My sons father I were together until my son was 3 months old. My ex left our son home alone when he was 3 months old, obviously we broke up after that. I guess I have the benefit that my ex isnt a completely horrible person. He is completely irresponsible, thoughtless, self centered and has no business caring for a child. I dont really have any advice for you though. It is tough, somehow our children survive the weekends and come home in one piece. If your ex is anything like mine he'll soon realize that the every other weekend arrangement cramps his style and he'll stop showing up. You arent alone though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I would definately get a good lawyer, let them know this jerk has shown no interest in the child, and has not paid any child support. Is he listed on the birth certificate?
    I really don't know if this would be legal or hold up in court- but could you get him on tape admitting he does not want the child? That he is only doing this to please his mom? Maybe once he sees all that is involved in having a child he will get sick of being 'dad' and disappear from your child's life again.
    I hope and pray that all works out for you-- good luck!!

    Answer by MizLee at 2:43 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Been in your shoes and it's one of the worst feeling a parent can have...other than him not paying any attention to the child, has he shown a bad side of himself to you? If so, make sure when you go to court, you have that documentation.

    As far as the child going on visits and such...if it happens, stay prayerful...its going to hurt but only God will be able to comfort you and give you peace....

    Answer by treasured_hope at 2:54 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Deal with it. If you didn't trust him then you should not have had a baby with him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • You have to go into court with more than accusations. You have to have documented proof that he is unfit. Just being a liar and a heartless person isn't enough. I wouldn't mention that he preyed on you when you were in a fragile state, that makes you look bad. A child of 9 months that doesn't know this man will not have to stay with him every other weekend, or even 24 hours...initially. I know this is none of my business and this is a rhetorical question, if this man was that bad why would you sleep with him and why didn't you use birth control?

    Answer by LoriW at 3:21 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • No one forced you to have his baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Well, she clearly loves her baby, so I don't think that the 'end result' is the problem (ie: should have used birth control). I'm sure many of us has slept with assholes and thankfully didn't become pregnant. People make mistakes. Yep, I'm sure she knows all about birth control and that she wasn't forced into having the baby. She's not complaining about her child, just the childs father.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Jun. 25, 2009