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In an adoption, can I have it on our paperwork that ex can never contact my son?

My ex wants to sign away his rights to my son so he doesn't have to pay support. He has chosen to never have contact with him to this point (he is now 3and a half) but threatened me with immediate visitation if I didn't agree. My husband agreed to adopt him, so my ex sent paperwork for us to sign. My question is can I add into paperwork that my ex will NEVER be allowed to contact him? Is that what is meant by a closed adoption?

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Asked by kreajalabr at 7:27 PM on Jun. 25, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (18)
  • When he signs away his parental rights he has no legal stance with your child..period. That doesn't mean he can't just show up one day when he's 16. After the legalities are settled you need to make an active effort to change all contact nubers, emails etc. Make it hard for him. If he ever makes noises like he wants to see him before he's 18..put a restraining order against him. If he hasn't been involved by now your son is lucky he has another to step up. Your son will NEED to be told. Make it a gradual, fact of life kind of thing at first. Make it something he has always known. There will come a time he may want to find him on his own..if he does..thats okay. He will have a lifetime of love and family before he does.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:32 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Whoa GrnEyedGrandma, what's that about? You and this child's mother may think that this man has no right to have a relationship with his child, but the child has every moral right to a relationship with him if he wants. Once this child is an adult he also has the legal right and I don't think he'd appreciate his mother trying to prevent him from having contact. Unless you know something that could effect this child's safety I don't know why your recommending she close the contact.


    Answer by onethentwins at 7:58 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Kreajalbr, Closed Adoption is where adoptive parents, birth parents and the adoptee have no information on each other and no continued contact. Nowadays it is generally believed that open adoption is much better for the adoptee and that the secrets and lies of the old days are bad. Plus, you never know when your son or your grandchildren may need medical history from your ex so you might want to keep tabs on his whereabouts.


    Answer by onethentwins at 8:07 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • O.P. I don't know what post the other poster read but it certainly wasn't mine or she has a comprehesion problem. The father is making the choice to have no legal right, contact or anything else with his child. You protect your child in any way you can. Like I said. He needs to know he is adopted. When he is 18 give him your blessing to find him if he so chooses. This was DADDYS choice, not yours.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:20 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • But as his mother, whether I tell him or not or when I tell him should be my choice. I am dealing with the choice he made by walking away, he wants to sign away rights because of money, I don't want him to be able to start a relationship wants it is "free" for him. So can I have it made a closed adoption? Is that not possible anymore?

    Answer by kreajalabr at 8:43 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • GrnEyedGrandma, there is no need to talk about me as if I "wasn't in the room". What your saying is that if a birth parent makes a choice to relinquish their legal parental rights then then it's ok to "change all contact nubers, emails etc. Make it hard for him", or indeed her, despite the fact that it's now believed that it's in the best interest of the adoptee to know their birth parents and openness in adoption is encouraged. That is what I comprehend. Is that not what you said?


    Answer by onethentwins at 8:47 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • It would be impossible to make this a closed adoption at this point in all likelihood.

    In this case that is absolutely what I believe. This father is looking to get out from under a finacial obligation. Fine. In doing so you give up your rights..thus "signing away his rights" As I have now stated twice. The child should know from the get go he has been adopted. When he is an ADULT/18 give him your blessing to go search. He will have made his own decisons and formed his own ideas about what kind of birth father he was born to but never knew. As for medical history THAT should be put in the paperwork.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:12 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Yes, I am passionate about this. Why..because I am dealing with raising 2 grandchildren whose bio parents rights have been stripped. We had to adopt them to keep them from foster care. Yet they (bio parents) think they have a 'right' to have a relationship with them. No, they no longer have rights. If they had taken care of them when they had them instead of neglecting and abusing them it would be a different story.
    The OP's situation isn't that much different. His bio father neglected him, neglected to seek any relationship with him for 3 1/2 yrs and wants to sign his parental rights away.. It's real simple he CHOOSES to sign away his child, his rights, his relationship with said child until that child is of legal age to make that choice.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:15 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Please know I am not angry. I've reread my posts and they have a terse tone. for that I apologize. It is never my intention to be rude. It's been a very long hot day and I am within 24 hours of PMS week. Not an excuse, only an explanation.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:24 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I just feel like because he is forcing me into this adoption, it wasn't my choice because I know he has family out there that includes siblings, I hate the thought of making the choice of adoption. But he gave me a two week deadline or else basically and I think someone who is willing to get rid of their child for financial purposes because he got married to someone who already has a bunch of kids at home, that person should not be around my child once it is convenient for him; i.e. free.

    Answer by kreajalabr at 9:32 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

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