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Haw do i handle my mom?

On fathers day me and my future hubby andy went to my mom's cook out with the kids. see my mom smokes weed as does my step dad and almost everyone else that was already there. The only reason i went was for my grandpa bc i know he wanted to see all the kids together. well he hadn't made it to my moms yet and they all know that andy and i are totaly agianst them smoking enspecialy in front of kids! but ofcorse they didn't care and they lit one up and was smoking weed in front of the kids! andy went inside the house and i went off on my mom tell her how i felt and then she went inside and said something to andy whatever she said he went walking and i got the kids together and left. my mom told me there wasn't a difference with us having tattoos and her smoking weed and that its her house and she can do what she wants. i told her that they are my kids and i don't want drugs around my kids! now she's not comming to our wedding!

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sweetmissa47

Asked by sweetmissa47 at 8:21 PM on Jun. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (53 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • i would tell her that if she cant not get high when your kids are around then dont come...that you can do it with out her...and maybe she will see that she needs to stop and think about you and maybe she wont do it and she will come to your wedding....i hope everything works out...i am here to talk if you want or need to
    jesslovesyou08

    Answer by jesslovesyou08 at 8:26 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • It is her home. You know their bad habits and can't force them to change for your sake. It would be nice if they refrained from that. I can totally see a difference between tattoos and drugs, but whatever her perspective is, you are not likely to change that. I think you should just not go to her house anymore. Tell her that while you understand that her life is hers to live, you need to think about what is right for you and your children. Tell her you would like her to come to the wedding. I am sure that she will calm down before then and decide to go anyway, but it would nice of you to remind her that you want her there.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 8:26 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I think your mom should respect your opinion, if your going to do that do it in another room were the kids can't see
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 8:26 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • There is a difference between tattoos and smoking weed. Smoking weed is ILLEGAL. Sorry but your mom is a self centered woman who doesn't deserve to be around your children. She is teaching them it's ok to do illegal things. what next? will she take them to the store and rob it if she wants something? She is in the wrong. you are right.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:26 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • You can tell her if she changes her mind then she's more then welcome to come to the wedding but, smoking weed will not be allowed. You are right about not wanting drugs around your children and good for you. But, from what you have just wrote i don't think your mom has much respect for her grandchildren. Call her up and explain how you feel and then it is on her if she would like to be a part of your wedding or not.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 8:27 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Well while it is her house, they are your kids. I think I would have just left. The fact is that drugs are drugs and if the police had gotten called while you were there, what would have happened? Its really not worth the risk. As for the wedding, well all I can say is maybe one day she will regret not coming, but honestly whose to say she won't fire one up in the parking lot at the reception? I know it might be hard on you not having her there, but your and your SO's opinions matter most in this issue.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 9:11 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Omg,what happen to the parents teaching the kids not to do drugs. I want to put this in the right words.Although, drugs are wrong and you don't like it,you had a choice to leave or stay,you knew,they were going to do drugs.If, your grandpa wasn't there yet,you could have left and came back.It's like me going to my DD house,her finaces smokes cigaretts, it stinks,the house smells like smoke too,I have a choice,don't go in there,or go but don't complain.I think you both probably said words you didn't mean.Another thing,in the future,let your arguements with your mom,be between just the 2 of you. Please apologized to your mom,she need to hear from you and put her back in the wedding,you won't regret it.Making a long story short,your mom was in her house,you started the arguement,would you let your mom control your house. You could have left with no arguement. You will feel better.
    lady-t3984

    Answer by lady-t3984 at 9:29 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • In reality she did not support you when she actively took an illegal drug in front of you, her family, and your children. That was a huge sign that perhaps it is better for you not to have her around your children and you until she is able to not be take drugs. Who do you owe more respect to, your mother or your children? Your primary responsibility is to be respectful of your children's needs and to teach them what you support or do not support. You can love your mother and not love her actions and issues. You can also love her from a distance. The argument of "its my house so I can do what I want" is not valid. You cannot break the law in your own home and think it is okay. I'm sorry you have to go through this but you have to be a mother first and always. It is too bad she doesn't realize she is a mother first and foremost.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:32 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

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