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Who should I believe?

I'm adopting my little girl. Today I saw my lawyer and she gave me a paper to gather information from the birth-mother about their medical history. I called my daughters biological grandmother she gave me some information. Then I called the birth-mom to get information. Now the birth-mom doesn't know I talk to her mom. Now the problem is one is telling me conditions that the other has but they didn't tell me that. Like the birth-mom told me that the grandmother had breast cancer but the grandmother didn't tell me that. So, should I write down that she had breast cancer?!?! Err who knew this could be so complicated. I mean I'm talking about a girl that told me she wasn't caucasian, she was white. She really argued with me over this!!


Asked by HannahLee87 at 10:33 PM on Jun. 25, 2009 in Adoption

Level 10 (434 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • she sounds like a flake

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 10:40 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I was adopted myself and it seems to have gotten more complicated since my adoption. I suppose in those days noone thought about genetics. What is the story with the bio mom? is she a substance abuser or anything? i don't know......

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 10:38 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Yes, a substance abuser in denial. We know she does it but she denies it. The social worker accidentally confirmed it. She's 19 years old with an almost 5 year old and a 1 year old. She's not reliable she's a compulsive liar. She makes false promises. She's fake. Ugh I just want to slap her.

    Answer by HannahLee87 at 10:43 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Just accept what is presented, keep it in mind, and let doctor's know the "potential" issues but that you are not quite certain. It can certainly be most helpful to have medical history....I am often asked if my son's brothers/sisters/biofamily has a history of different issues. But that is to only rule out or to get a better grasp of what might be going on. But despite not having much information because my child's birthmother is not very open about any issue related to her, we still get the most appropriate care and we have not had any problems finding answers. It may be frustrating but just listen, smile, and say thank you. Keeping that line open for the future is important. There may come a time when you or your daughter needs and wants to contact her birthfamily. No matter how they give information (unless it directly harms your child), when, or if it is not the most truthful - just keep your reactions neutral.


    Answer by frogdawg at 11:03 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • How do I know if the medical information is truthful or not though. Like I know they both do or have done drugs... but when I asked about sustance abuse they both said they didn't ot don't.....I KNOW THEY DO/ DID!!....I have to give this to my lawyer for the judge...I have no idea who to believe or what to write... shouldn't my lawyer be doing this?!?!

    Answer by HannahLee87 at 11:09 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I can't quite picture how it would work for the adoptive parent to have to do all this, since it is so different from the way we did it. It sounds very difficult and stressful, and awkward for you to have to be asking all of this. I second what Frogdawg said about just accepting what they are telling you. If you have strong reason to believe the birthparents did/do drugs, then you may just have to let it go and not ask about it anymore but realize that there is a good possibility that what you heard was true. Has the child been born? Once the adoption is finalized you can request the child's hospital records from the birth (but not the bmom's). That would at least tell you if the baby was born with drugs in his/her system. A really competent lawyer should help you with all of this. Good luck!

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:58 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • yes the child has been born she is 4 years old..... I didn't just hear that she did drugs... I seen her and she said in in front of me to the social worker...why lie about medical history

    Answer by HannahLee87 at 2:06 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I have two adopted children and even though we have a little medical history on them, my doctor always always errs on the side of caution. She runs the extra test that wouldnt normally be done as if there is a family history of whatever condition.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:24 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • Family history is an ongoing thing. Don't believe for a moment that you will ever "get it all." 20 years ago my family history was that my grandmother died of cancer. Well now that I've lost 3/4 grandparents, and several aunts and uncles have died or had surgeries, my own family history is a whole lot more detailed... Your doctor will just have to do those extra tests... And yeah your lawyer's assistant should probably be doing this , but it would cost you extra. Give the lawyer the information you have gathered and ask her to go over it for proper format. I'm sure the judge has seen it all before.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • Is she placing the child for adoption by choice? If she isnt the one making the choice to put her daughter up for adoption and the state has stepped in them my guess is she may be lying about the breast cancer so that maybe you wont want the child since it can be known to be hereditary. As for the caucasian verses being white thing... I think alot of people look at caucasian as the PC way to say you are white so maybe she was just voicing her opinion and calling herself what she thinks she is

    Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 3:22 PM on Jun. 26, 2009