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What can I do to help my daughter and her stepdad have a better relationship?

How can I help my daughter and her stepdad have a better relationship? it seems that they disagree most of the time and avoid eachother the rest of the time, He works alot when he gets home he wants to tell me everything that happened at work uninterupted which takes awhile sometimes, I dont want my daughter to feel alienated by the time he gets finished talking to me after working all night he goes to bed when he wakes its time for him to go to work, they are times he plays around with her for 10mins or so before bed but she feels as though she cant talk to him and when they do they disagree alot, also she tells me she wishes that I hadnt married him and compares her Dad to her stepdad that her Dad is alot nicer than her stepdad He is hard to talk to at times for me as well he got upset with me cause I told him I coulnt stay cooped up in the house just because he didnt like guys lookin at me that I dont do anything for myself

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countrygirl7171

Asked by countrygirl7171 at 11:23 PM on Jun. 25, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • well maybe have him do a project with her like building a birdhouse ect., to make a reason for them to be together and talk a little even if it is just about the birdhouse!
    2mothershelpers

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 11:28 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • Well, really its up to your husband to work on his relationship with your step-daughter. I would talk to your husband about how you feel about this. I would talk to him first, then I would have a family meeting where your daughter gets a chance to speak how she feels about her relationship with him. How old is she? Anyways, its your husband's responsibility to connect or even distance himself a bit if he needs (distance himself in a way where he stops arguing with her). He's the adult and he needs to be the one responsible for doing what it takes to make this family work, kwim? I have a step-dad and he's absolutely wonderful. I love my dad dearly and my step-dad is up there next to him. He handled being a step-dad perfectly imo. He was patient and kind and did not force himself into a relationship where there was a lot of hurting going on from the divorce etc. He allowed time for us to grow to love him.
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 11:31 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • oh.. and did you say its hard for you to talk to your husband as well? Thats not good. If you want a good relationship with your hubby you need to be able to feel comfortable talking with him about anything that is on your heart... otherwise there can be no true intimacy and companionship. Is he really controling? If so, maybe you both can seek counseling or something.
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 11:34 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • "He works alot when he gets home he wants to tell me everything that happened at work uninterupted which takes awhile sometimes,"

    "He is hard to talk to at times for me as well he got upset with me cause I told him I coulnt stay cooped up in the house just because he didnt like guys lookin at me that I dont do anything for myself"

    These are giant red flags and are classic signs of a control freak. Why does he require an audience every day for his telling of what happened at work? And he won't let you go out of the house because guys might look at you? I'm with the stepdaughter..get away from this man...to controlling and to jealous.
    mizkaye

    Answer by mizkaye at 11:52 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • I agree with Mizkaye. Thats controlling. And the fact that your daughter and him dont get along......as she grows older it'll only get worse. Trust me....my sister and step-dad didnt get along either. Granted, now that she's older, they're fine. But my step-dad was never controlling. I have a theory why they never got along but thats a long story.

    In the end, it might come down to a choice between your husband and daughter. If possible, dont let it get there. If it does, make the right choice.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 12:31 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • yup, it's control. I learned a long time ago to listen to my dd about men. I didn't see what she could see. She helped me from getting in with the wrong men and she was a young girl, but I listened. Maybe she should go live with her dad for a while if she has issues with stepdad.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:01 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • You could start by not calling him her stepdad and simply call him your husband. It would make her more comfortable. You should never put some man before your child. Did you discuss marrying him with her before you did?

    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 8:44 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

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