Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

No support from Mom

We are staying with my parents for a few months until DH goes back into the Army. It is always stressful staying in someone's house other than your own but for the most part, things have been ok. The biggest problem I have is my mom. She makes comments about me breastfeeding my 3 month old. She will say that I need to get a job and get "that baby off your breast so you can have a life". My precious baby will not take a bottle, pacifier, NOTHING. She only wants me. For the most part, I do not mind this. I love feeding her and watching her grow knowing I did it all for her. It does make it hard to get free time but I have a strong belief that babies need their mamas close so I do not mind. My question is...how do I handle feeling so self-conscious around my mom? I do not even like BF'ing my baby in front of her because I feel like she is judging me.

Answer Question
 
MammaMia72

Asked by MammaMia72 at 11:48 PM on Jun. 25, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)

  • ...she even bragged TO ME the other day how she went back to work when I was only 4 WEEKS OLD so she could "buy her own things" and not depend on my dad for anything. I thought this was incredibly SELFISH and I honestly have not looked at her the same since.

    Any advice? We will be here for at least a few more months and I want to make the best of it.

    Thanks, ladies!
    MammaMia72

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 11:50 PM on Jun. 25, 2009

  • i just ignore her.

    My mom is the same lucky i do not live with them. when i turn 21 i marry my husband and move in with him :)
    i just say this you listen and then go out the other. that what i do with my mom :)
    back then was different then now. back then everyone family parent had work to support the family and bills. I say i remember my mom had to work to get give us insurance and my dad had work in evening and didn't have insurance and all
    and now my dad is working at better job and my work still work at the same places

    Just ignore and just ok.. breasting feeding is good for baby. they don get sick often then formula feed baby. :)

    don breast feed your baby in front her just do in your room.

    just mange it only few more months to go.
    goes thought one ear it come back out the other..
    my mom did the same thing if now that i am not living with her.

    you can mange and go for it :)
    mommytobe24

    Answer by mommytobe24 at 12:02 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • Tell her that you have a life, and you are perfectly happy with the current situation. That you appreciate her concern, but she need not be concerned for you, as everything is fine. If she continues, you may need to be a bit more blunt. Mom, I've told you once and I'll tell you again: I'm happy, we're happy, butt out.
    Krysta622

    Answer by Krysta622 at 12:42 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • i would leave or tell her to shut up. She's your mom so you can be more honest than if it was your MIL. Congratulations on a job well done... don't give up just to please her. People say this all the time to me because I don't want to leave my 4 month old with sitters and go out and we are always playing together and she sleeps on me. I just give them an attachment parenting website and tell them that this is the way I am choosing to raise my baby and if I do want their opinion I'll ask. Seriously consider leaving though... the stress isn't worth it.
    mummylovebaby

    Answer by mummylovebaby at 1:20 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • Tell her everything you just said here! And after that just ignore her... she doesn't know what she is talking about... all her "bragging" and poor advice is probably guilt, she sees you doing things better than she ever did for you.
    AmiJanell

    Answer by AmiJanell at 1:42 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • Honestly, ignore her. Ignore my MIL , SIL, DH, and sister everytime they pushed me to BF so I can kinda sorta see where you're coming from. If BF makes you happy--go ahead. I'm different than you--I regret BFing the first few days, but don't FF because your mom doesn't like you doing it. Now, if baby was in pain, then yes, I would say either fix your diet or march to WIC and get soy formula but it doesn't sound like your LO's in pain.
    MommyJ0697

    Answer by MommyJ0697 at 2:27 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • Let her read what you've posted, and tell her you understand that she made different choices. Tell her that just because you've gone in a different direction doesn't mean you think she is a bad mom or made the wrong decisions.

    See, that's what's at the root of it. Whenever we make a choice different from our parents, they see it as an indictment of what THEY did with US.

    Let her know it DOES NOT work that way. Every child will go their own way no matter what we parents do. All we can do is make sure they're healthy, with an understanding of right and wrong and enough common sense not to step in front of a moving train.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:32 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • Have you tried telling her you don't feel the need to be independent from your husband? My dad had a hard time accepting that I wanted to be a housewife/SAHM until my oldest was at least a year old. He kept telling me that I was unhappy and such. I finally sat down and told him very plainly that I was happier than I had ever been and I was grateful my dh had a job that let me stay home because that was what I wanted out of life. He told me he didn't realize that I wasn't just slacking off and thought I had been too lazy to work, but was starting to see being a full-time parent wasn't an easy out. Good luck with your mom...hopefully she'll see that you're happy soon.
    kttycat84

    Answer by kttycat84 at 10:15 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • these are all great, thoughtful answers!! I never thought about the "guilt" theory. My mom is very complicated, controlling...total type A personality so it makes it hard to be around her. The idea that she make actually envy ME for making this choice never even crossed my mind :)

    gdiamante....Thank you for your perspective. It sounds like you are a very conscientious, loving parent. I am trying my best to be that way with my children. My mom was emotionally detached much of my life and it has hurt me tremendously.
    MammaMia72

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 2:25 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • "Have you tried telling her you don't feel the need to be independent from your husband?"

    SOOOO true!! He and I are a team...that's how I view marriage. We have no money right now but we still are in this together no matter what :)
    MammaMia72

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 2:27 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.