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Am I wrong to want him home?

My DH works 3rd shift, 12 hour shifts, every other night. Several of his friends have the same strange schedule. To keep his schedule though, he needs to stay awake all night and sleep during the day, even on his nights off. Since he isn't working, I want him to be home, to sleep with me, and to help take care of our DD in the night. Most nights when he has off though he stays home until 9 or 10 and then goes out with his friends and comes home sometime between 3 and 6 am and then comes to bed and sleeps most of the day. They aren't going to bars getting trashed and I'm not worried about another woman, I just feel like he has a family now and should be home with us instead of out all night. But for him it is like someone who works first shift being out in the day and we're sleeping all night anyway, so does it really make a difference? I can't seem to make up my mind how I feel about it. What do you think?

 
MrsAce150

Asked by MrsAce150 at 9:50 AM on Jun. 26, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • My husband works from 7 p.m.- 7a.m. for 7 days then has 7 days off. It is hard to adjust back and forth so on his off weeks he sleeps during the day and stays up at night. He will normally spend time with us until about 10 or 11 until both me and our son are asleep. Some nights he stays home and plays on the computer and some nights he hangs out with his friends. Personally, this works for us because I get together time with him and he gets his down time to be by himself or with his friends. If you are still bothered by this, try compromising with him. See if he will stay home one night and go out on his next off night. He is still his own person and needs to be able to have friends that he can talk and hang out with his friends.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 11:06 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I agree with you, he should be home more. I'd be asking him why we got married if he didn't want to be a family and be together. Maybe he doesn't know what marriage means.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:54 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I agree w/ him. Even if he was home during those hours, he'd be awake and you'd be sleeping. How is that family time? At least he's home unitl 9-10 pm, which should be about time for you all to go to bed anyway. And he's right, for people on that shift, being awake all night is exactly like you being awake all day.
    KLBrown

    Answer by KLBrown at 9:57 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • Or maybe he's just trying to keep his sleep schedule. It's hard to be awake during the day one day then at night the next. I know you want him home but if you aren't worried about bars or women, try to be patient, he's trying to support you and the kids.
    kustomkrochet

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 9:58 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I work overnights and don't get home until 5am. My fiance works all day. I stay up with my daughter all day. On nights that I don't work I go to bed with him. I agree with you. There is no reason why he can stay up and be part of the family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • He can't flip flop his sleeping to satisfy someone else. Even if he isn't working some days, he does need to keep the same schedule so it won't affect his job performance. If he is staying with you until 9-10, thats good, because most children are asleep then. Try to put yourself in his place, I couldn't .. Unless you are doing the same as him, then you can't understand. You are lucky he has a job, there are millions who would trade with you in a heartbeat.You just have to learn to adjust and you can keep the peace and your peace of mind.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 10:10 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • yes, I agree with admckenzie he should be with you at home more ,helping you out your daughter and spending time with both of you..
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 10:13 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I just read your profile, and YES he does need to keep the same schedule. With him being a firefighter, he most definitely needs to be on the same schedule as always. His life and someone elses may depend on it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • no but work a schedule where he can sleep and stay up at least 3 hours to be there for you and the kids
    debraann380

    Answer by debraann380 at 10:43 AM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I think it would be nice if he did a little housework and put you to bed it would be nice, then no reason to stay home when your sleeping. Would he stay home until you go to sleep and do a few chores to give you a break.?My brother works nights and it is so hard to be productive, he finds he just hangs out during his time off..maybe he could be responsible for a few chores and you guys spend some quality time together, then honestly I would let him go hang out.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:06 PM on Jun. 26, 2009