Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!!! sick of my question getting deleted!!!

I just posted and maybe if I word it different i could get advice!!! I caught my hubby beating it to animal videos (ya know the dirty kind..doing the deed w a woman) and I kicked him out. This was last week and we have 2 kids together. He keeps beggin for me to let him come back and promised never to do it again but Idk what to do!! I really love him and I want to but now I think he is a disgusing pervert and I cant think of nothing else. Dont know if I would ever be able to stomach sex w him again but I dont want to end up divorced.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Jun. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • wouldnt you rather have him beat off to it instead of asking you to do it for him??? i understand that it can be disturbing to find out that your hubby likes those things, but i honestly dont think its wirth seperation or divorce. does it make you love him any less? or does it just disgust you? tell him if he wants to do that, then you wont want to be with him.

    Answer by HelloKitty86 at 5:08 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • yeah I saw you post this a few times already.... it sucks for you. Your right it, is SO gross. I couldn't stand to lay in the same bed with him again either if he was my partner.

    Maybe you should contact a preacher or priest or something.

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 5:08 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I would be afraid that he was actually having an afair with some animal.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • Give it time. I know it feels like you can never get over it, but unless you've had major problems for a while I think it's soon to talk divorce. Was it like animals and women? I know it seems gross, but my opinion is that if you rush into divorce you could regret it. I was looking for my video of giving birth to our daughter and found one of him and his ex making a porno. Long history with her, but after seeing them doing it, I didn't even think I could ever trust him again. I know it doesn't compare, but when he was drinking, he made some comments to me and I was ready to wash my hands of everything, but I gave it time to heal. Eventually, I think if you really love him, you will heal too. idk what else to say. It's a tough one, but follow your heart.

    Answer by tcarter1981 at 5:11 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I tried to reply and it was deleted before I could. I take my marriage vows very while I agree that that is SICK, I would probably give him another chance. With the promise that he would never look at it again and he start counseling and/or we go together as well. IMO, he probably has an addiction to porn and like any addiction after a while of the softer stuff you need a stronger "dose" to get the same kind of "high" after a while. It probably started innocently enough and just got progressively worse up to the point where you caught him. If counseling didn't help I would have to move on, but I wouldn't be willing to just throw it away without giving him a chance. You married him and decided to start a family with him for many, many wonderful reasons I'm sure, and I bet he's still the same person you married in most ways.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:15 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • He may need help. I could see maybe even watching it has a joke. God I remember going to parties and there was always that one kid that new a website..... Of course you check to see if its real or not I don't care who you are. And me and my hubby have stumbled across F**ked up porn, but if I walked in and saw him beating off to that crap I would get him some help!!!! Just be thankful he did it to porn. My mothers best friend was going threw the basement one day and found pictures of her husband and there dog. No word of lie!!!!!!!! Its probably been about 9 years since then and she is still messed up by it!!

    Answer by Jillybeans24 at 5:16 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I don't think it's worth getting a divorce over. I think it's disgusting but I am sure you'll get over it and move passed it. Where did her get the videos? I would keep a close eye on him and make sure it never happens again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:17 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I found some porn on our home computer once. It wasn't pictures or videos - just some kinda gross stories. One of them REALLY offended me. It was about a guy who no longer found his 50 year old wife attractive, so he started having sex with his 17 year old daughter. I hit the ceiling. I am fifty-ish and my daughter from a previous marriage was 17 at the time. I called my husband right away at work and he came home right away to discuss it. He had downloaded a couple of stories but had not read them yet, but I was also feeling insecure at the time so I was snooping. Long story short, we went to therapy for awhile and I still go by myself. I think the REAL issue here is NOT that you are incredibly grossed out - it's that you expect and want to be the ONLY person, place or thing that arouses your husband. It hurts when you're not. But I agree with hellokitty86 - it is NOT a reason to get divorced or even kick him out.

    Answer by Honeybear52 at 5:19 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I dont know if it was me I wouldnt be married to the man no more but there is alot of reasons behind it.... I would call him and talk to him and take these other moms advise and try therapy... and have him back in the house but maybe for a while sleep in different beds

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • Men can't help their fetish to watch astonishing things. I'm not defending him. I think it's gross as well but to some men it's like watching a train wreck, they just can't look away. What are your options? You don't want sex with him anymore, probably lost all respect for him yet you don't want a divorce? What DO you want to do about it? Figure it out and then let him know what you decide. You could possibly live as married room mates but I would tell him no beast porn on the computers to where the kids might see it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:32 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.