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Would you go to a dead baby's birthday party?

Ok, I know it sounds kinda strange, but...
My daughter passed away last year, and she would have been a year old this September. I know she isn't here, but I still want to celebrate her brief life. I want to have a birthday party for her, but I don't think anyone will come to a cemetery for a birthday party, so I don't know what to do :( I don't know if I would feel right celebrating her birthday at another location away from her either :( I'm so confused...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:28 PM on Jun. 26, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (25)
  • i would go to mourn for her....her spirit may enjoy it. but expect it to be a sad time. i cried passing a truck that had a sign with RIP for their 3 year old son..if i went to a get together to remember a passed baby i would be balling

    Answer by moki1984 at 10:29 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I have a family member who went through something similar recently. What they did was on the baby's first birthdate, they went to the cemetery and had a small gathering and released balloons for the baby. They took sharpie markers and wrote their love notes to him on the balloons before they were released. It was a lovely remembrance of him.
    Afterward they had a dinner at their house.

    Answer by Nathskitten at 10:32 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I'm very sorry for your loss. However, I think a memorial service among close family members and friends would be more befitting for the occasion than a "birthday party." A party suggests "happy, good times," whereas a memorial service would be a poignant, respectful tribute to your child.

    Perhaps you could release balloons or butterflies as a symbolic gesture of your child's spirit? I think I would select a location that is meaningful but not as somber as a cemetery...perhaps a nearby park or city/town garden? And I would also offer guests a deli catered meal and drinks following--either at the park or your home.

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:34 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I am sorry for the loss of your baby. May the Lord rest her soul and look over her. I would invite close family and friends and ask them to accompany you to the cemetery. I would go to the cemetery with you because I would want to offer my shoulder. I honestly don't see why anyone would have a problem going for a short time to remember your daughter.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I would only invite immediate family, and maybe instead of calling it a birthday celebration, you could call it a memory celebration. how old was he when she passed away? do you have pictures? would other people have pictures? you could ;put together a little memory book of pictures and copy it for your parents. also you could maybe put together any mementos that you might have, for others to enjoy. perhaps you could make a donation to a charity that would be meaningful to her life in her honor. (if she was a preemie, then march of dimes, etc.) maybe buy a little teddy bear to put at her gravesite at the party. this is just what i would do.

    Answer by raineslibramom at 10:38 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • oooh the balloons with love notes writteen in sharpie marker is sucha sweet idea!!! you should do this.

    Answer by raineslibramom at 10:40 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • How about a celebration of her existence not so much a birthday party? Have a nice private get together. There were a lot of great ideas posted. Also, maybe write her a letter. Tell her how you feel, your thoughts, your aches and pains tie it to a balloon and set it free. My heart goes out to you and I don't even know you. Thank you for asking your question. It wasn't weird at all.

    Answer by Steff107 at 10:45 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • If it was the child of a family member or a close friend yes I would. I would do just about anything they wanted to help them grieve.

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 10:58 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • I understand that a party usually means "happy times". But my daughter's life was a happy time for me. She was full term and no one knows what happened, and she lived for only a couple hours.
    I like the balloon idea and the butterfly idea a lot, thank you :)
    But I believe my daughter had a happy spirit and I think she would want other people to be happy that she's with Jesus, not all stuffy and "poignant". I mean don't get me wrong, everyone deserves respect. But I've never done this before and I don't want to be sad on a day that I'm celebrating the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me, know what I mean?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

  • But honestly, I'm not saying you are, don't force yourself to be happy about it if you truly aren't. It's healthy to greive and be sad. She was your child. It's okay to miss her even though she is with Jesus. Don't deny yourself your feelings. Anything you do on her birthday is probably going to be bittersweet.Embrace it so you can heal and have a good life.

    Answer by Steff107 at 11:09 PM on Jun. 26, 2009

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