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How can I get through this...can someone please help me?

My now ex told me a lot of hurtful things about myself that are not true but I can't kick it this time...I just want to break down and cry because his words have cut me deeper than any knife could.

I finally blocked his number because he kept calling me and accusing me of continously calling him which I wasn't. I feel bad for doing it because I love him but I can't take the insults and put-downs from him anymore. He never apologizes because he tells me the things he says are true and even though I know they are not true (one thing that is true is the fact that I can be a b*tch at times but all the other stuff isn't even close to being true), I find myself second guessing everything he has said...maybe no one will miss me if I die, maybe I don't have friends because no one likes me, maybe I am a worthless mom, maybe no one can ever love me because of who I am...etc.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Jun. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Awww.... don't let him make you feel that way!! Your children will miss you if you die. I don't know you, or what kind of mom you are, but the fact that you are worrying over this tells me you are not a worthless mom. Please, get some help! See a therapist. Get on an antidepressant!!! And GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    hugs

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • Oh, Hugs! Those things aren't true, I promise. You do have friends, I am sure. Most were probably waiting until you got rid of him, and will come around again when they are sure you are free of him. Some might just be waiting for you to call and ask them to come around. And some are people you haven't even met yet! We call them "strangers" sometimes. He's plain out right abusive, and you are doing the right thing. He's just plain wrong. There is no excuse for telling someone that they wouldn't be missed! Ever. I am sure there are others that can give you great resources to hotlines and such. But write down on great thing you've done for your kids today, like telling them you love them, or giving them a hug. Then write down something positive about yourself. And another of one person you know that you would like to get to know better. Then re read this list often. Everyone is worthy of love.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 2:37 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • Sounds like he knows how to capitalize on your self loathing! You obviously feel somewhere deep down inside that what he is saying is true. Logically, you know that it isn't but you most likely believe what he is telling you. You probably told him all of your insecurities when you were together, so he knows exactly what to say to make you feel like shit. You did the best thing by committing to not talking to him. If someone cannot improve your life by being it, then they have no business knowing you. The second thing you need to work on is YOU! You need to sit down at a table and make a list of all the things that you are good at. "I am a good mom." " I am a good person." Things like that. Everyday, at least once a day you need to read it. So many people spend countless hours putting themselves down and not up. It is time to put yourself up for a change. After a while you will realize you are a good person, and you don't need
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 2:39 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • people that spew venom like that in your life. Always know that you are, "Good, Smart, and Pretty." Tell yourself those things and you will come to realize what other people around you already realize!
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 2:40 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • You need to stop that right now! You are not worthless and he is an abuser, even if he has never hit you, his words are abusive and you need to stay away from him..if he is the father of your child then instruct court supervised visits for both your sake and your child's sake. And if you die there is one person who will miss you and that is ur child. Because he will tell all these things that are not true and your buying it. Because you have such a low self esteem, maybe you should get some counceling. You see, that's what abusers do they strip you of your self esteem and make you feel worthless and then they will physically abuse you..anyway that they can get control. Please for your child's sake get as far away as possible. And you say you love him...well remember one thing Love shouldn't hurt. And if you ignore my advice and anyone else's advice, then there is no help for you, you'd either be dead or very close to it.
    Cappy1979

    Answer by Cappy1979 at 2:53 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • Before you slit your wrists (been there wanted to do that before) read The Emotionally Abused Woman or the book called Why Does He Do That? or Confusing Love with Obsession. At the very least look up Passive-aggressive men on line or the disorder called Narcissist. PLEASE know that it's HIS issue he's trying to force on you. It is NOT YOU. It's him. If you accept his cruelty then it can surely kill you or at the very lease crush your spirit. Men do this to control and manipulate women. Please stop taking his calls. He knows you very well and knows you feel bad and will give in. You have to be strong for your own sanity. Go somewhere and spend time with other ppl. Don't be alone right now. Get with positive folks who can balance out his negative crap. Breathe clean air bc he's pumping bad air into you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:58 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • No one is worthless especially a mother...do not listen to one who says you are because they have their own self loathing issues and are spewing their hatred and negative feelings for themselves on to you. You have made the first step in a major transition in your life by getting rid of the negative hurtful leech out of YOUR life. I know how it is and I am still battling my leech 2 years later but its getting beter because I am taking control of MY life, it will get better for you too just don't give up! Show your kids how strong and courageous you really are.
    ormom1977

    Answer by ormom1977 at 3:15 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • Some guys know how to use words to hurt people, or some people know how to use words to hurt. Words are hard to get rid of after being said, and he knows that. Ask yourself what YOU think of all the things he said and if you know they aren't true, then don't worry about it. I think we can all be a BI*&^ at times, men and women alike, but so what. Don't second guess yourself because of a man who really doesn't know the real you.Like someone above said, he is an abuser and he uses his big mouth to hurt.So you need to realize that he really isn't much of a man if he is verbally abusing you.You are so lucky that he is gone. get yourself together and live a good life without baggage like him..He's not worth your hurt or your tears☺
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 3:38 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

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