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What should I tell them?

When I was in college I had a baby that I put up for adoption. Her adoptive parent's were very interested in family medical history, so I know with no doubt in my mind they would want to know things that have developed over the past few years. I know how to get the info to them through the adoption agency. I just don't know what to tell them. I have kids of my own now, and one is disabled, it is of unknown origin, by many people's standards a severe disability. We have seen MANY docs, and they all agree, with no other identifiable cause, it must be genetic. But, they have not been able to identify the specific genetic issue despite every test being done that can be. They are reasonably sure that it was spontaneous-meaning not inheritable, but because they can't find it, they can't say 100%. I don't want to scare them, but feel the should know, and would want to know. I don't want to leave them with questions or scared

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Jun. 27, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (13)
  • This is the op with additional info. I plan on providing them with all the info I have. The specific tests that were done, and the results. But I can not give them any personal info, such as the name of the doctor or clinic where the tests were done. I don't want to scare them, because chances are it is not inheritable, and if at some time we do learn it is, I can always let them know that at that time. They also can contact me through the agency if they do have any questions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • I think exactly what you just said would be good. The doctors think it is genetic, we had these tests completed with these results, if I find out more-I will let you know.
    I don't see any reason why they would need personal information or doctors names or clinics.
    luckyshamrock

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 5:12 PM on Jun. 27, 2009



  • Black out the doctor's name and info, but leave his specialty and submit the info to the adoption agency. Let them call the parents and tell them you have some new medical information that has come to light recently and let them decide for themselves if they want the agency to give it to them. (I would want to know, but maybe they won't.)

    You won't have to say anything at all. Let the doctor's analysis and the agency do the talking.
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 5:15 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • I don't undersand all the cloak and dagger stuff as to why you wont tell them where the tests were performed, but I highly commend you for keeping your adoptee child up to date with family medical issues and information on her siblings well being. It's the responsible, loving thing to do.good


     

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 5:55 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • Sorry, I didn't answer your actual question. I like "We have seen MANY docs, and they all agree, with no other identifiable cause, it must be genetic. But, they have not been able to identify the specific genetic issue despite every test being done that can be. They are reasonably sure that it was spontaneous-meaning not inheritable, but because they can't find it, they can't say 100%. I don't want to scare [you], but feel [you]should know, and would want to know. I don't want to leave t[you] with questions or scared"

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:47 AM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • How open was your adoption? I am assuming it wasnt a compete open adoption or you would be able to just contact them directly. I am pregnant and am placing the baby up for adoption is a COMPLETELY open adoption, I am actually meeting the prospective family tomorrow, and if something were to come up, I would just call them myself.

    But assuming yours isnt open like that, I would just call the agency social worker that you would have worked with during the adoption process (or the person who took their place if they are no longer there) and pass the info on that way. I think it is a VERY good thing that you thought about your other birth child and their family and are trying to pass the info on. Having said that...do they think its genetic as in hereditary or genetic as in something that happened during fetal developement?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • if your children now are much younger than their child, they may have already run into something and they may have info to give to you as much as you have to give to them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 AM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • This is the op again. The adoption was semi open, we have exchanged first names, but no other info. It was instate so all we know is that we both live in the same state, at least at the time adoption occured. For example, I was allowed to tell them I went to college, my major but not what school I actually went to, things like that. I have contacted the adoption agency and know that the child does not have any developmental issues, if she did they would have it in their records, that is one thing we agreed too. The docs can't even say 100% that it is genetic, but they have ruled out everything else that they can that is not genetic, but they can't say 100% it is genetic until they find the exact problem, and they've tested for all that technology and knowledge allows for at this time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:56 AM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • I think that it is important for the afamily to know, even the little you know, so that should there be issues down the road, they have a place to start. For example: a child who is not reading well at grade level might be considered stubborn and just won't put forth the effort. BUT if the family is able to say, "look in this child's family there are other siblings or family members with learning disorders" then the parents can advocate for that child's specific needs. It also helps the school have more perspective and insight. Also when your child who was placed with this family becomes a parent as well - it is good for them to understand family history so they can make the most informed decisions. Be honest, share what you know, and remember you cannot be responsible for how they react. You can only be responsible for yourself and to your child you placed. The rest is up to them.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:41 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • quoting OP " For example, I was allowed to tell them I went to college, my major but not what school I actually went to, things like that." You were allowed to!! WTH?
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:43 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

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