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Should I just give up?

My sister is in a horrible relationship. Her thing she is with has been physically abusive to her, has cheated on her, and is using and selling drugs.

For years we have barely heard from her until recently she has been coming to us for help. Last night she came to my house because she had left him. I thought she was serious she had ALL her stuff. Well this morning we were out of toilet paper, I gave her directions to the store and she left and didn't come back. Just when I was going to pull my hair out with worry, she called and said they were getting back together.

She didn't want to tell me because she thought I would be mad. I told her I was, but at the situation and not her. I told her I thought it was the wrong decision. then I told her that I needed to hear from her at least once a week or I was going to think something was wrong and I would call the cops.

So did I do the right thing? Or should I just give up?

 
violaswamp

Asked by violaswamp at 5:15 PM on Jun. 27, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 3 (13 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I think you're doing the best you can. There is only so much that you can do for another person's life. She knows you are there, she knows you'll take her in no matter what, but you can't do this for her. She's addicted to him right now, and she doesn't think that she can live without him. She knows that he's bad for her - otherwise she would have been straight with you when she went to go meet with him - she knows that she needs to stop, but she just can't. All you can do is be there for her and let him know that you and your family are WATCHING him. Find out where the apartment is. Stop by randomly with gifts and food. Make sure he knows (not just that she does) that you are watching out for her. He needs to get the message that he doesn't have free reign.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:37 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • I think she needs to know you will be there. For when she is truly serious.
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 5:21 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • You need to understand first off woman in abusive relationships may have ways to get out but won't for many reasons. There is a control there that these men have over them, they make them feel wanted even if they do beat the crap out of them, there is also the very good chance that's she's co-dependent. If that is the case it will take her a lot to pull away, also a lot of fear that they will look for her. The biggest thing is you need to be there at a distance, if you are right there for her you will get caught up in it and it will be emotionally draining and hurt you so much to watch this, so explain to her you are here for her but you can't be right there to watch her go through this because of the emotional turmoil it will put you through. If you show her a lot of love and affection maybe it will be enough to make her leave him but if not this could be a long road. Good luck!!
    momof4520

    Answer by momof4520 at 5:28 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • I'm sorry, but the police need to get involved. You can bash me all you want, but if this man goes to jail for drugs, it might just be the break she needs. She also needs a place for abused women. You can call your local police station, tell them the situation and they can refer you someone who can help. DO NOT GIVE UP ON HER!! You might be the only link to her staying alive. This man is abusive and could kill her at any moment. She has it in her brain that she needs him to survive. He has beaten this idea into her head. She needs someone to be there to help her get away. She will also need years of counseling to relearn that this is not "normal" behavior and it is not okay that anyone hits her. Good luck.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 5:29 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • Why don't you call the cops? Why wait for something awful to happen? Just give them an anonymous tip about drugs being on the premesis.... especially if there are children involved (which I hope not), and he is buh-bye! Don't give up on her. Let her know you will be there for her, but you need to be more proactive.
    My2J.A.P.s

    Answer by My2J.A.P.s at 5:38 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • What you need to do is invite JUST her (and the kids if they any ) over and call the cops , give them a tip saying that their are drugs in the house and he's gon! then you need to offer her a place to stay and help her get on her feet. Whatever you do don't gin\ve up and don't waite untill somthing bad happens. Do somthing soon or it will only get worse.
    kat324

    Answer by kat324 at 6:20 PM on Jun. 27, 2009