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I see a train wreck comming.

My 21 year old daughter has been dating a boy for 4 years. I think he has severe mental issues. He seems to be manic depressive, with a side of severe anxiety disorder. He keeps breaking up with her saying she is too good for him. She then turns into am emotionall wreck that I have to deal with. Yes I have asked her how many times she wants to go threw this. Now she tells me that he tried to commit suiside(sp?) and is in the hospital. He is being kicked out of the navy, (she says he has decided to leave, yeah right)and plans to get a job where there is no stress. WTF! She is "in love" and I fear they will get married. Is there ANYTHING I can do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Jun. 27, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • You can be there to catch her if she crashes. That is about all.
    ColleenF30

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 5:40 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • Really the only thing you can do is explain to her how you feel about the situation and I'm not sure there is more you can do than that. She is an adult now so you really have no say in who she chooses as boyfriends/friends etc. I would, however, keep a close eye. Someone obviously needs to get this man some help...especially if he is suicidal, and if he becomes obsessed with your daughter or starts to feel she is too good for him, or if she breaks up with him, who knows what he might do. Keep a close eye but a closed mouth for the most part. Tell her your feelings and leave it at that. Hopefully she can get him help or realize that maybe he isn't the best person to associate with but either way, it is her choice.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 5:47 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • Not really, she is an adult, I would suggest praying. He does seem to have mental issues and she feels she is in love with him. That is sad but sometimes we women confuse love with desperation. I was so desperate to have some one in my life until I did not take the time to get to know him fully turns out he is completely psycho. I had a child with him which only complicates things, I just want him away from me but because we have a child it entitles him to come around. I am now working on getting away from him so that I can have some peace. He has made my life hell and has promised to never stop. I love my beautiful daughter but wish I had never met him.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 5:54 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • i agree with the other two their's not much you can do she's and adult now . Howeer i would tell her feelings about it and try to sugest may be counciling or somthing especially if they plan on having kids!
    kat324

    Answer by kat324 at 6:12 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • Don't you just wish there were services available like domestic violence intervention counselors where you could take your child and let the counselor show them cases where mentally disturbed men have killed/abused their girlfriends and wives and to talk to them about the issues involved with dealing with mental problems? We know there are plenty of these cases in the newspapers. Some women just don't get it. Women should never feel so desperate for love that we are willing to take on a man to raise, nor to suffer right along with them through their anger management problems, depression, suicidal tendancies, etc. How can you possibly hope to have an enduring relationship and look forward to having children with a man who could flip out at any moment and harm you or your children? I don't know why these kids don't want to listen to their parents advice, but they rarely listen to their friends either.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • She may be an adult, but she is never too old for good advice. Try to talk to her out of concern for her happiness and not out of distaste for her choice of men. I'm willing to bet that regardless of how well she is doing in life she may be afraid to date men of her own status--men more "worthy" of her. Try to get her to take a break from dating. Open her eyes to the fact that if she is having this much trouble with him now, and they are only at this early stage of their relationship it wil only get worse. While it shows what a golden heart she has that she is trying to stick it out with him, she is only causing herself grief and it is unlikely she will ever get a return on this investment. It is a very hard lesson to learn and hopefully she learns it before she ends up with regrets later in life.
    Seven07

    Answer by Seven07 at 10:34 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • she sounds co-dependent and emotionally needy. He's obviously learned how to manipulate her and she lets him do it. Not sure how to help unless she wants help. There is a great book called Confusing love with Obsession (control) that might be helpful. There are so many disorders out there and she could be feeding his disorder and sucking her blood and spirit dry. That's so sad. I'm not sure what to say if she won't leave him. Even if he claims to kill himself she needs to stay away. He's wanting her to rescue him. Most ppl who say they will do it, won't. Most who will, just do it and don't talk about it. She couldn't stop him anyway if he wanted to really do it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:56 AM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • If you have tried everything in your power to try to help your daughter to the best of your ability, then what else is there left to do? Sometimes sad to say, ppl including those who are very close to you have to learn on their on, no matter how many times you tried to help them. remember you can not help her unless she wants to help herself. the best thing for you to do is to talk to her and hear her out and do not be judgemental when she speaks to you. he obviously feels that she need her man to be complete which is not true. Just talk to her and give the best advice you possibly can. I truly hope everything works out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on Jun. 30, 2009

  • I wish I could give you advice. My son is married to an abusive (she has been arrested for hitting him) and controlling woman (he cannot go anywhere unless she is with him and she even admits that he's never done anything wrong but that it's ONLY because she never lets him go anywhere without her and that if she did he probably would) who has successfully cut him out of our lives. She did it very quickly and very swiftly. My heart breaks every day and I miss my son so much my heart aches. But, every day I send him a good morning text and a good night text and let him know that I love him and that I am here for him. I think that that's all us moms can do, just be there when they need us again.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 AM on Jul. 1, 2009

  • you can only tell her if she wants out you can help her but she needs to be for real
    lawla

    Answer by lawla at 9:07 PM on Jul. 20, 2009

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