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If you aren't speaking to a family member would you still send them a birthday card?

My mom hasn't been in our lives for awhile and I miss her but as the years go by I am starting to hate her. For missing out on her grandkids. I want to send her a birthday card from the kids. Should I? Dh says not too.


Asked by sweetpea532 at 8:02 PM on Jun. 27, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • I think it would depend on the reason why she is out of your life, and if you are willing to 'forgive and forget'. If you are on the outs with someone and send them a card, that would be like giving them an olive branch saying "I want to patch things up" and have you back in my life. Are you prepared for your mom to be back in your life?
    I would also talk about this to husband. If he is saying 'no' and you do it anyway it could cause problems between the 2 of you.
    I like another mom's answer of talking to a family member... maybe you could tell a family member that you are thinking of mom and hope she has a happy birthday... and the family member pass your message on. That way you are not directly contacting mom-- and would not be going against husband's wishes.
    Whatever you decide -good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 10:39 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • I would like to be able to say something wise is too short to live with that kind of anger in your heart, forgive her and move on...but I can't. My father is physically alive but has been dead to me for 11 yrs. There is no hope I will ever reconcile with him. He is a vile excuse for a human being. For have to ask yourself..if she died tomorrow would I be sorry I didn't try to forgive/makeup?whatever it is for you with her? If the answer is that you would regret not reconciling there is your answer either way. Good Luck

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:06 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • I don't speak to my dad either, its been 4 years.I miss him alot. I wish he would take the step to send me or the kids a card. He screwed up and knows it. If you were in the wrong then you should. If she has hurt you before though she prolly will again!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • It depends why I'm not speaking to them first! I would not send them an invitation if they molested my children , i woulnt want them near my children but if it was other reason then yes i would , just to keep the peace, many times people don't talk to other fam. memebrs b/c they have said said that you are mean or make up something like that so if you send them an invitation then people would knpw htat you are not mean!

    sorry, my English is not so good yet but I hope you understud what I'm trying to say...
    good luck and pretty much follow y'r heart!!!!

    Answer by Sincitymamy at 8:10 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • If you want to, then you should. It will make you feel better. At least you will have made some sort of a try at contact.

    Answer by NickyJamesMom at 8:11 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • if it will cause strife at home with dh then no don't do it. Maybe you can contact a family member and tell them to tell her you are hurt over her not being a part of the grandkids' lives. Maybe she thinks she's not welcomed to be in their life. Get the message to her somehow without defying dh's wishes

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:12 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • If you're trying to make a point by cutting her out of your life, sending a greeting card defeats the purpose. My so's mom is cut out of my life for various reasons, and I did not send her a Christmas card, birthday card, or any other type of card. She did send my daughter Christmas presents and presents for her b-day, and I sent thank you cards from my daughter.

    Answer by Fallaya at 8:19 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • If she don't know the grandkids, i would not send her a card from them, but if you want you could send her a card just from you. It might make you feel better that you took that step to prove you are the bigger and better person than she is.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • I haven't spoken to my sister in almost a year. Well more accurately, she stopped speaking to me and I eventually just stopped trying because she was refusing to respond to me. I still send her cards from DS as I did before and just sign them from DH and myself too, mostly because I know she gets a kick out of getting stuff with 'auntie' on it.

    I think it mostly comes down to the reasons for the split. If it's something minor and/or you're ready to forgive then by all means send a card assuming your husband agrees. In my case I'm not holding any sort of grudge and if my sister ever decides to talk to me again I'm perfectly fine with that. Yeah she did some bitchy things to me but nothing worth holding a decades long grudge over. If she had done something seriously wrong or illegal (more illegal than hacking my internet accounts) then I wouldn't send the cards.

    Answer by RhondaVeggie at 9:25 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • I don't. I cut my biological mother out of my life years ago and I don't even want to crack that door open even a teeny bit.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 10:57 PM on Jun. 27, 2009