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Do you think that we have a limited amount of control over our children's personalities?

I mean that a better part of it is predetermined? My brother turned into such a major JERK and I don't know how it happened. My mother is a good woman and a very loving and compassionate mother and my father is a fun and involved parent as well. I have two brothers, one is a little mixed up and confused but he's a good person. The other is a total loser! I don't know where my idiot brother came from. He's so self entitled and irresponsible. Every time something goes wrong in his life it's always someone else's fault. LIke when his car got repossessed it was not his fault it was Chase Auto Finance that were jerks because they wanted their money!

At some point, isn't it our own responsibility to become respectable people and out of our parent's hands?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on Jun. 27, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Yes! I have seen the same thing in adult children. Sometimes you can totally see how a parent messed up, but in a lot of instances some people are just jerks and there's nothing anyone could have done about it. I'm sorry for your mother and your family. It's hard to have someone like that around, but keep in mind that every family has it's black sheep.

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:59 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • I agree! I do think a major part of their personality is predetermined. I guess we will see how well my theory works out when mine is grown! she's only 19 months and SEEMS like a sweetheart but it's too early to tell!!!

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 9:04 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • Our DNA sets the framework, our environment helps determine the details. Our personalities are created by the interaction of our nature (who we are) and how we are nurtured (the environment we experience). As parents, it's difficult to know when our nurturing is helping or harming, especially if the parent is not aware either of their own nature or the individual nature of their children. Since I think we can all agree that no two children are the same, if a parent treats them the same, they will have have different responses to the same "nurturing" because of their own individual nature. So while I would not say we have "control" over our childrens' personalities, we most certainly DO AFFECT them.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 9:40 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • People are born with the personality they will have. Our upbringing, environment, genetics, etc all help develop our personality. Two children in the same household, treated the same way, can have different personalities. Each child responds to the parenting in different ways. We do not have control over their personalities but we do help form them.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:10 PM on Jun. 27, 2009

  • no. we can influence by removing needs from children which can cause a personality disorder but as for controlling a personality I don't think you can do that.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:07 AM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • I started with 1 sister and 2 brothers. One brother was a piece of work. His crimes were mostly directed at me. He snorted and became extremely violent, and I was his target. One day I got tired of it, and told my parents if he touches me again I will kill him. I didnt speak to him until my mother died in 2003. From that day until he died in 2005 we became closer. We didnt dwell on the past, he was dying and he knew it. He made his ammends, he knew he was wrong all those years ago.

    My younger brother I always got along with him. We were inseperable. He got married in 2006. Started having kids, and decided his only living sibling is not welcome at his home. My kids are older, I use the word penis. Will he regret his cutting me and my sons out of his life. I dont know. I leave it alone, you can only try so much.

    Answer by PestPatti at 12:25 AM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • It's called a temperment.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:17 AM on Jun. 28, 2009