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ughhh ...the in laws

Im in a constant stuggle having to deal with my MIL and brother in law trying to have their way with my two baby boys... The relationship is not healthy ... my MIL wants my husbands handicapped brother to be able to have some kind of fatherlike relationship since he cant have his own and hes just a person that i have been tryin to but just CANNOT TRUST.... Hes basically a spoiled, selfish, and disrespectul 28 yr old man and i know anyone wouldnt....but since he gave up on making a life for himself, he and his rich parents thought they could use ours... Ive already stood up for myself and my family but everytime i drop him off for grandma , ilearned that she sends him up to my BIL to play.... isaid no to this to their face but i know she still does it! I need my husband on this one but of course he Avoids or "forgets" to talk about it to her beacuse of her dramatic skills..please help!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Jun. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I wouldn't "drop off" my kids. I'd stay and visit, then take my kids home. Your kids best interests come first, not other family members and their wants. I will never (have never in 9 years) left my kids alone with strange family members. I really don't care if that upsets them - my job as mom is to make sure they are safe and have healthy relationships. But, I'm a pretty protective mom who's also never left them with a babysitter... :)
    goldenfox

    Answer by goldenfox at 4:15 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • are you afraid that he might hurt your child? then I would stop dropping him off at the mils untill they understood what you wanted.
    mzprincessreina

    Answer by mzprincessreina at 4:16 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • Agree. If you can't trust you can't drop.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • QUIT DROPPING YOUR KIDS OFF, THAT WILL TEACH THEM
    jbirchard

    Answer by jbirchard at 4:43 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • I think you need to talk to your husband and let him know you NEED his support and him backing you up (even if he does not agree- he still needs to present a 'united front' in front of mom). He needs to talk to his mom and tell her the child is YOUR child YOU are the mom. What you say goes and if she does not follow your rules she does not see the child. Until she starts following your rules you should not drop the child off there. If she wants to see grandchild she can either come to your house and visit, or you and your husband will go to her house- and stay but she does not get any more alone time with the child. Good luck -I hope she backs off and honors your decision!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:56 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • Don't take your kids over there anymore, and then when asked why tell them
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 6:36 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • Tell you MIL that you appreciate her concerns, but you are acting in interest of your children. Tell her that if she continues to pass your children off to BIL without your expressed permission, then you will no longer be able to trust your MIL and, consequentially, will no longer be able to leave the kids with her.

    Then, follow through with your words. If she messes up, don't take the kids over. She will throw a tantrum over it, but you are the parent and she needs to recognize that.

    There are other ways for your BIL to have children in his life. He could be a Big Brother or volunteer with children.

    Be prepared to take your kids away from the MIL. Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.

    And make sure your husband actively supports you 100%.
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 7:31 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

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