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Can someone offer some supportive words?

Today I am boarding a bus and leaving my husband with my 3 yr old son. I have been married almost 4 yrs and I love him very much. But this morning I awoke to him disciplining my son by hitting him on his lower back with a leather sandal which ended up leaving a welt. This is not the first time he has been extreme with him and regret not leaving before. I have tried to understand that this was how he was raised but I can no longer allow it. He adores our son and 98% of the time is the most amazing father but I can't just overlook this anymore. I am going to stay with friends and look for a job and do not know where I might end up, possibly a shelter. I have no college education, don't drive and have been a SAHM for 3 yrs so I have always been so afraid and dependent on him, I know I am doing the right thing but still it is not easy.


Asked by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Jun. 28, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • You are so brave and strong to do this. I wish you nothing but the best of luck.
    You may find help and support from the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)

    Answer by rkoloms at 4:54 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • Ordinarily I'd say get to counseling, but hitting the child with a sandal and leaving a welt seems overboard. First thing in the morning, get all money that you can moved into your own account. Talk with a lawyer. Good luck!

    Answer by Bmat at 4:36 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • I'm sorry, be strong, you are right.
    I didn't ever finish my college and I have a job at a bank and work amazing hours. It is possible.

    Answer by HolliBerry21 at 4:39 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • I know this a very stressful situation for you but you have to do what is best for your son. I do not feel that an adult should hit a child with objects at all. It is bad enough to have to use your hand if you do spank. I agree that counseling would be the next thing to do after finding a place to stay. I hope you have family that can help you out. I hope and pray that things get better for you.

    Answer by army_wife2000 at 4:40 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • well i think that your doing a good thing...i mean i'm sure its hard for you but you dont want your husband to end up killing him over something so stupid cuz I'm sure he didn't do anything that was that bad for him to hit him with leather sandal...but you should go put child support and apply for other thing s too dont worry there's lots of help out there ....

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • you are doing the right thing. no child deserves to be hit. get custody papers, find a job you and your son will be fine.

    Answer by jbirchard at 4:50 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • Have you asked him to get help? Maybe take some parenting classes or anger management? It is possible for him to realize that it's not right even if it was the way he was raised.

    Tell him that you would be willing to work things out and maybe come back home of he gets some help.

    If this is your ONLY issue, I think it would be well worth having him get some help and then putting your family and marriage back together again.

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 4:50 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • When I was in your situation I had never worked outside the home and had been married for 30 years. I have had to watch my two year old get the diaper beat off of her. It took about an hour for it to tear away. All because she refused to pick up a piece of trash out of the yard. I eventually left when he took out his gun and threatened to kill us all.
    It will be hard at first. It was for me as I had five kids to support of my own. If you need to, go to the state for assistance.

    Answer by momtoeight at 4:52 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • I think maybe you are going a bit overboard. I do not know the situation but , leaving him and you have no resources is a bit extreme. I am in no way telling you to stand for child abuse. Perhaps he hit him too hard and did not mean to leave a mark. You said 98% of the time he is a good father. Times are too hard to purposely be homeless witha child. I say talk to him and let him know how strongley you feel and that you will not stand for it but leaving is extreme ... to me....all these women on here are trying to be supportive but when you have no where to go and have a child to take care of will they invite you to live with him while they are telling you to leave your home?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:36 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

  • Ok well to the last said you had a friend to live with. If your going to talk to him, do it from there. Why give him any heads up on whats going on considering he has already hurt your son once, or more. Who knows what he'd use to get you to stay. For your childs safety you need to leave. There is no excuse for abuse. I don't care if the kid tried to burn the house down, he needs to learn the appropriate form of punishment. Be strong and Good Luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 PM on Jun. 28, 2009

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